The Foreign Service Journal, October 2011

strike a chord with many AFSA mem- bers — as will his response. (We have left out a few personal details, both for the sake of brevity and to protect the writer’s privacy, although the full text is available online.) I am a 31-year-old woman. I am a Foreign Service officer (read: diplo- mat) with the Department of State [now on] my second assignment, in Mexico. I have experienced profound professional development in this un- orthodox career, for which I am un- equivocally grateful. … In the past nearly four years, I’ve ex- ited an engagement (by my choice, months after entering the Foreign Serv- ice, to a wonderful man not enthused by the Service and the complications his life would have undergone) and have had a series of at best minor relation- ships with people of equal transience and of otherwise committed situations. These are dating compromises I would not have otherwise made had my situ- ation not been circumscribed (by regu- lation and a limited dating pool). Being a typical generalist diplomat whose life is dictated by “the needs of the Service,” my life is mostly governed by external forces. Admittedly, the work is rewarding. But the personal sacrifices are proving unbearable. I am quintessentially American. As much as I revel in and love foreign cul- tures, I identify essentially as American. And in as much, I want an American male companion. I have no interest in having children and am honest enough to not expect —of myself or a compan- ion — a lifelong relationship. What I want is a viable, nurturing, fun, loving and intellectual relationship with a like- minded adult. Thus far, this has been somewhat elusive since I entered into this weird, transient world of the For- eign Service. … Anyway, I am somewhat terrified to leave the Foreign Service as it is all I have professionally known (several in- ternships with the Department of State before entering as an officer), but I want a personal life and a career I have more control over than as a generalist with worldwide availability subject to the needs of the Service. So, my question is: How do I transit into life as a civilian? I have skills (gov- ernment program coordinator of a $37 million portfolio, grants warrant officer, government contracts representative, diplomat, bilingualist, M.A. in interna- tional policy and nonproliferation, etc.), but I do not know the path ahead and it scares me to leave government employ- ment without a strategy. I do not know what I would be use- ful at or how to go about marketing my- self. Though being gainfully employed is my preoccupying concern, I am mo- tivated to make changes so that I can have a personal life with a companion. Ideally, I want to be in the San Francisco Bay area or New York, as those are my formative homes. So where do I start and how do I make the transition? And how do I start making myself ready for a sub- stantive relationship? Thank you, Diplomat Adrift Here is the advice Mr. Tennis gave her: Dear Diplomat Adrift, This is not just a question but the beginning of a story. A story begins when somebody decides, I don’t want to live this way anymore. I’m going to change my life. We like to meet a protagonist on the brink of change. We like to enter the story when a character is packing a suit- case. Where are you going in such a C Y B E R N O T E S O C T O B E R 2 0 1 1 / F O R E I G N S E R V I C E J O U R N A L 13