The Foreign Service Journal, January-February 2016

46 JANUARY-FEBRUARY 2016 | THE FOREIGN SERVICE JOURNAL to return to post via Washington (to attend the mandatory program), I was informed that since I had performed my year of service in a temporary duty (TDY) status (due to my decision to leave my family at post rather than relocate them to the United States, as permitted), the policy did not apply to me. I was to return to post directly and have the RMO/P in the region con- duct the out brief. It took almost four months after I returned to post for the RMO/P to find time to do so. Five years later, on returning from Afghanistan the same thing happened: Since I had performed my service TDY, I was not allowed to return to Washington to access services, but told to go forward to my next assignment. Once there, months passed before I was screened for PTSD or other issues. In both cases, I really wanted the chance to access the counseling services offered only in the D.C. area. In both tours, I did not serve in the embassy but at remote outposts with the military and had a much different experience than the majority of Foreign Service members assigned to these theaters. These experiences have left me very frustrated with the sys- tem, which I believe has done an admirable job of recognizing the issues and providing resources, but has not solved the HR and other roadblocks to actual access to these resources. a Serious Help W hile serving overseas, I became extremely unwell. I suf- fered from a massive clinical depression that was almost the end of me. I also had powerful, unmanageable surges of energy and was drinking heavily to self-medicate. Knowing I needed help, I went to the health unit, and they suggested it was a thyroid problem. I was scheduled to go on R&R, and the post doctor thought it a good idea to check in with State MED on my way. There, after a 10-minute discussion, they informed me that I had bipolar II disorder (BPII). Apparently there had been a lot of back and forth between post and State MED about my condition, of which I was unaware. Receiving such a diagnosis so quickly was a shock. I remember thinking, “Do you have a handout here about BPII? A flyer, perhaps? State MED sent me to a psychiatrist who told me I needed to be admitted to a psychiatric unit in a Washington, D.C., hospi- tal. That was scary, but after calling friends and family, I decided that I had better do what State was recommending. During a week in the psychiatric ward getting medication and having my blood levels checked, I read everything I could about bipolar II disorder and realized that MED’s diagnosis was correct. After my discharge from the hospital, MED informed me that since I had been hospitalized, I was not allowed to go back to post and would have to work at Main State. Unable to return and pack out, my dear friends at post took care of that. They also sold my car for me. I went to California on leave to see my family. Once back in Washington, I took another week of leave because I had no place to live and no winter clothes. From the Oakwood in Rosslyn, I went to Nordstrom to buy a winter coat and boots and then trudged out in the snow to find an Apartments for Rent guide. Man, that was a depressing time. I missed my friends at post and the life that was ripped away fromme. I didn’t know if I was going to get better, and if I would ever serve overseas again. After a year in Washington, I convinced MED that I was able to continue my overseas career and sub- sequently received a Class 2 medical clearance. Since then, I’ve had to go through extra hoops to get cleared for onward assignments and to renew my security clearance. I check in with the RMO/P when he is in town and my Washington psychiatrist when in D.C. This episode was quite an upheaval and tremendously fright- ening, but ultimately worth it, because I feel so much better! My message to you is to get the help you need, even though it may wreck your regularly scheduled life. Once through it, you’ll have another life that is healthier and happier. If I hadn’t sought help, I don’t know if I would be alive right now. a Suck It Up? Really? W e are still in the dark ages of what mental health care means. It does not mean you should seek mental health care only at the point at which you are a danger to yourself or others. So people limp along, dragging their issues to their next post and either try to resolve them while also being in demanding jobs (aren’t they all?), or they don’t deal with things and wind up passing on the dysfunction by treating others as they were treated, creating yet another painful situation. I was a second-tour ELO and was receiving little in the way of guidance, support or even acceptance frommy management. My medical officer recommended a chat with the psychiatrist for support and advice, and to get on record that I reached out Continued from page 43