The Foreign Service Journal, February 2008

T here are many different kinds of Foreign Service moments. The best are those we diplo- mats live for — when we can’t believe that we are so fortunate to be in the room where history is being made, when we are privileged to know we are contributing to something larger than our immediate field of vision. But there are also moments when the fact of being an American diplo- mat is accompanied by intense dis- comfort. This story is about those kinds of FSMs. We all know that U.S. foreign poli- cy is not very popular overseas these days. Part of our job is to tell our story; to give a human face to U.S. government positions — ideally one that folks can relate to, that will make the skeptics question preconceived notions anchored in knee-jerk anti- Americanism. It’s quite normal in this process for locals to put us diplomats on the spot. I’m used to that. In my experience, it usually doesn’t get personal. Even the sharpest critics of U.S. policy will offer a disclaimer, like, “I disapprove of your govern- ment’s foreign policy, but I have many American friends.” Sometimes it does get personal, though. Or, at least it feels like it. That happened to me once in the checkout line at a grocery store in a posh suburb of a moderate Middle Eastern country. The woman ahead of me was short the equivalent of about eight cents. I offered her some small change to make up the differ- ence. She was about to accept it when her husband waved off my offering, saying: “We don’t want your money. You have blood on your hands.” It was upsetting that my tiny ges- ture of good will had somehow been taken as cause for gratuitous America- bashing. It shook me up. It felt hos- tile. Recently, I had another discomfit- ing experience. Some local friends had organized a group to see a concert by Dee Dee Bridgewater, the U.S.- born jazz singer. As always happens at live music shows, I found myself trans- ported. I was in awe of how this incredibly talented woman was able to use her vocal cords — no, her entire body — as an instrument. I wasn’t thinking about the news of the week. Indeed, it was a relief not to: This was a week that had seen multiple bomb- ings in Iraq and the Virginia Tech mas- sacre. I was thinking about clouds and rhythm and Paris, and how exactly does she do that? I was brought back to earth abruptly when, during a monologue, Bridgewater lamented the sad state of affairs in the world today and hoped her music would help soothe her audience. Many nodded their heads in agreement: Yes, these are difficult times. She continued, in an almost peni- tential tone: “My country” — which the expat singer then qualified as “the country in which I was born” — was largely responsible for these ills. The audience erupted in extended ap- plause. Even some of my own friends joined in. That’s the part that caught me off guard. In that moment, something chang- ed. No longer an anonymous part of this international audience, I was sud- denly an American Diplomat in an unfriendly crowd. I tried not to notice my friends clapping, but it was not something easily overlooked. I sat, stoically gazing forward, impatiently waiting for the applause to end. I felt like asking those who were clapping, “Do you feel better now?” Or, better yet: “Why don’t you do something to help find solutions to the problems you are so eager to blame on the United States?” I know these questions have a defensive ring, so it’s just as well that I asked them only in my head. I decided not to walk out. I didn’t want to cheat myself of the music that was yet to come and, frankly, I was more upset by the audience reaction than I was by the singer’s cheap shot. But I did talk to my friends about it afterward, emphasizing that I support- ed Bridgewater’s right to exercise free speech, no matter how strongly I dis- agreed with what she said. I might have added that free speech is a right that is routinely tram- pled in the region I now call home. I wonder if that had anything to do with the audience’s reaction? Dorothy Shea joined the Foreign Service in 1991. She has served in Tunisia, Israel and South Africa, as well as at State and the National Security Council. 68 F O R E I G N S E R V I C E J O U R N A L / F E B R U A R Y 2 0 0 8 R EFLECTIONS Foreign Service Moments B Y D OROTHY C. S HEA