The Foreign Service Journal, March 2009

34 F O R E I G N S E R V I C E J O U R N A L / M A R C H 2 0 0 9 a price that fit within my allowances. Playing the “refugee card” also helped me enroll my oldest son in a preschool, which technically had no slots for him (they even waived the registration fee), and helped me get appointments at doctors’ and dentists’ offices that weren’t taking any new pa- tients. If you can, rent an apartment or house rather than stay in a hotel or with relatives. If the uncertainty of not knowing when you’ll go home is hard on you, it’s doubly hard when you’re living with relatives and everyone’s life is disrupted. Especially if your gut tells you that the evacuation may drag on for a while, look for an apartment, apart- ment-hotel or house rather than a traditional hotel. Having a place of your own will cheer you up and will add structure and stability to your children’s lives as well. Check with your CLO or with FLO to find out what your housing allowance is in advance, and how it will change over time. When searching for a place to stay, ask if the landlord would be willing to negotiate. It may be possible to afford something more expensive than you thought possible, even in the face of diminishing allowances, if you negotiate. Find child care and activities for your children. De- pending on your younger children’s needs and trauma level (and your own), it is well worth the time and ef- fort to find a safe, trusted babysitter, day-care facility or preschool for them as soon as possible. Because I was living my life in four-week blocks, I realized almost too late that my 2-year-old needed a place of his own to make friends, one that was full of happy people, paints and puzzles — rather than a grumpy mother, suitcases and a screaming baby. I could have avoided a lot of un- happiness had I addressed his needs right away instead of trying to plan for the impossible. The same holds true for older children. They also need a place where they can make friends and feel like they belong. Look for groups they can join to pursue activities (such as music or sports) that they were al- ready involved with at post. Local schools and com- munity groups can be an excellent resource for this. Consider homeschooling. School-age children obvi- ously need to continue their education. But rather than undergoing the trauma of put- ting your children in a new school for what may be just a few weeks, and then uprooting them again just as they get settled, consider a short stint of homeschooling, with lots of field trips around an exotic new country — the United States — thrown in for good measure. If nothing else, it could improve the stability of your children’s uncertain lives and allow you to take advantage of the sudden, un- usual flexibility that can be one of the positive results of an evacuation. If homeschooling is not an option for your family, check the FLO Web site for additional information and recommendations for schools. Find good service providers. Ask around right away for recommendations of a good doctor, dentist, hair- dresser, etc., and get on their books as a patient or client. That way, when one of your children comes down with an ear infection two weeks after arrival, you’ll already have someone to call. Take the initiative to make new friends. If you don’t already know people where you’ll be staying, get cre- ative and find ways to make some new acquaintances: over coffee at Starbucks, at PTA meetings, on play- dates, or by volunteering at the library. Build relation- ships with people every chance you get, even if it’s just with the checker at the supermarket. They may not need you, but you certainly need them! People will be sympathetic to your plight, or, if nothing else, they’ll be intrigued. Use that to your advantage to get invited for play-dates and coffee. Then return the favor and invite people to visit you. I once singlehandedly hosted Christmas Eve dinner for my entire extended family. As much as I dreaded it, it was the best thing I could have done: it forced me to decorate the house, kept me busy for weeks shopping and planning and, most of all, created some treasured memories for my entire family. Take the opportunity to renew your spirit. Being evacuated can eat you up, body and soul, if you let it. Find help, strength and stability anywhere you can, whether you join a Bible study, attend formal religious services, or just practice yoga or simple meditation. Counseling may also be worth exploring. Reach out to others in need. Volunteering to work F O C U S Then there are all the little luxuries that go along with being in the States.