The Foreign Service Journal, March 2009

F O C U S O N G O I N G I T A L O N E I NSIGHTS FROM THE F IELD 36 F O R E I G N S E R V I C E J O U R N A L / M A R C H 2 0 0 9 he following is a compilation of responses to the Journal ’s AFSAnet call for observations on the subject of unaccompanied tours from those who are having the experience today or have “gone it alone” in the past. — Steven Alan Honley, Editor “H OME I S J UST A NOTHER W ORD FOR Y OU ” Billy Joel was never in the Foreign Service, but he was definitely on to something with that lyric (from his song “You’re My Home”). Suva is my first posting as a Foreign Service officer, so you might wonder what qualifies me to offer advice to cou- ples separated due to job assignments. Well, even though I’m new to the Service, I can draw on my “past life” ex- perience as the wife of a naval officer who was frequently deployed for long periods. My husband of 17 years is currently an FBI special agent and is based in the United States because of his job. Our two daughters are here with me in Fiji. It is a chal- lenging situation, but we’re making it work. Different federal agencies treat cross-agency tandem couples and family separations very differently. Based on my experience over the past 18 months, State is consider- ably more “family friendly” than the FBI’s international of- fice. For example, I found the FSI class for “soon to be separated” couples to be excellent, and highly recommend it. Of course, the degree of family-friendliness depends a lot on your management officer at post. Many people have tried to help us solve our current dilemma from both sides of the cross-agency divide, but the (lack of) structure of interagency communication causes significant roadblocks. There are no how-tos for cross-agency tandem placements, so if you and your part- ner are in different agencies, develop your strategy and make your own connections before bidding on your next post. Toward that end, I offer the following suggestions for separated couples: Communicate, communicate, communicate! Find a way to contact your partner daily at a time that is convenient (as much as possible) for both of you. We prefer talking on the phone, so I use the IVG to call my husband every workday while he wraps up the afternoon— sometimes it is nice to just hear his voice. We usually make lists of important items that need mutual agreement; and if one of us for- gets to bring our list up during our daily chat, we e-mail the issue(s) as soon as possible. Of course, you or your spouse T