The Foreign Service Journal, March 2009

M A R C H 2 0 0 9 / F O R E I G N S E R V I C E J O U R N A L 39 spouse than for the spouse who goes away. I left on the “great adventure” and spent my time in eastern Bagh- dad working, with few other distrac- tions. My wife, also an FSO, had to deal with everything else: her full- time job, two toddlers, two teen- agers, an au pair, sicknesses (her own as well as the kids’), managing the house, going to kids’ events, and on and on. Friends and neighbors helped out at key moments to keep things on the rails; but, day in and day out, what she experienced was frankly far more challenging than what I faced. Second, R&R is a mixed blessing. It was absolutely wonderful to be able to come home and chill out with my family three times, but the two weeks of hell that our two boys put my wife through after I left each time made us wonder if it wouldn’t have been better to just plow through a full year and then come back. Ultimately, I know it was better for everybody to have the leave time, but only just. Third, location matters. Every- body’s service in Iraq is honorable, but in Baghdad it’s easier to main- tain contact with one’s family. Being on a small forward operating base away from the International Zone, my Internet connection would frequently go out, so Skype was not a reliable option. Some- times I could get a DSN line through the Operations Center; sometimes I could get through on a scratchy cell phone connection; and sometimes there just wasn’t any hope of reaching my family. We coped by phoning whenever we could and by sending a lot of e-mails. Talking to my teenagers twice a week was very important for me to remain connected to their busy lives, and for them to hear from me that I was safe and, yes, they did need to do their homework. Talk- ing to my toddlers was less successful, but we found other things that worked. Before I left, we bought a small F O C U S Everybody’s service in Iraq is honorable, but in Baghdad it’s easier to maintain contact to family.