The Foreign Service Journal, March 2014

42 MARCH 2014 | THE FOREIGN SERVICE JOURNAL Already, I feel I am failing my generation. “Oh, what am I doing, you ask? Ummm, I followed my husband to Africa.” In my mind, I might as well have made a pot roast. What We Do Living overseas, I attend gatherings where fellow trailing spouses introduce one another as “Wife of X” or “Husband of Y,” and then immediately talk about what we did in a past life. Former lawyers, media planners, environmentalists, teachers, Peace Corps Volunteers and scientists (though, for what it’s worth, I notice that very few are former doctors). Armed with impressive CVs, we begin new lives abroad as housewives, parents, volunteers, hobbyists. More often than not, there are great barriers to overcome in seeking employment overseas, if spouses and partners are even allowed to work in a particular country. Often the job market is not what we expected, whether because of regulations in the country, heightened expectations and inflated U.S. pay scales, the lack of jobs in the local economy, or more obvious barriers such as language, visas, time commitments and the like. Last August, as I read the heavily circulated New York Times article, “The Opt-Out Generation Wants Back In,” I could not help making constant connections between my struggles in the fairly recent role as trailing spouse and those of modern- day stay-at-home mothers. In either situation, when a woman (or man) chooses family over career, feelings of responsibil- ity, guilt, envy, resentment and regret surface, no matter how confident the choice. Whether one is a trailing spouse or a stay- at-home mother, the issue of defining one’s personal identity is under microscopic scrutiny. But the challenges for the “trailing spouse” have an added Armed with impressive CVs, we begin new lives abroad as housewives, mothers, volunteers, hobbyists.