The Foreign Service Journal, March 2016

36 MARCH 2016 | THE FOREIGN SERVICE JOURNAL leader. Your efforts will be more successful if you understand how staff members react to change and the reasons for the typically high rates of failure. Change initiatives have derailed many accomplished officers, and are perhaps the most difficult part of a leader’s job. They require: (1) knowledge and understanding of the change process and the key role of trust as a catalyst for change; (2) awareness of the emotional impact of change on staff and an abil- ity to communicate to the different emotional stages as staff members accept and implement the change. Women seem to be able do to this easily; and, (3) awareness of the five elements of successful change. Missing any one of these will leave you short of the change you hope to achieve and, therefore, short of your vision and goals. 7 . Strike a work-life balance. Balance between your work priorities and ambition and your personal life and happiness is possible. It is a matter of knowing your job, creating boundaries and executing. It sounds simple, but it is not. Women tend to be very conscientious. Conscientiousness is usually a good thing, but too much of a good thing can be detrimental. How much you work is your choice. The key to work-life balance is an ability to prioritize and say “no” to everything else. We all know people who can’t say “no.” They may view it as a sign of weakness. They may be afraid that if they say “no” to a request, they are saying “no” to the next promotion or opportunity for advancement. Others may not even see no as an option. The people who can’t say “no” are often the people who have a disproportionate amount of work. They fall into what Marshall Goldsmith calls the “overcommit- ment trap”—trying to do too many things and, as a result, not doing any as well as they could. People who do a few things well are not only happier and have more balance, but they tend to get promoted sooner than the “utility infielders” who take everything that comes their way. Those who are likely to get promoted are those with the highest-quality work, not those with the largest quantity of work. Saying “no” and setting clear boundaries not only helps with establishing a balance, but it better positions you for promotions. 8 . Be yourself. There is no mold one must fit to be a good leader. Leaders come in all varieties. Pretend- ing to be someone you aren’t, however, can be off-putting to others and exhausting for you. Leaders who act differently at work than they do at home are disingenuous and will quickly turn people off. It is taxing to stay in character and be constantly on guard for fear of exposing your weaknesses or doubts. It is a lot easier and more effec- tive to simply be yourself. Embrace your strengths and weaknesses, hopes and fears, triumphs and failures. We all have them. If you accept yourself, so will your staff and your stakeholders. You will be more effective if you expose your whole self, and through this kind of vulnerability you will gain the trust so essential to being a great leader. The bottom line is, if you do nothing else, be yourself. 9 . Don’t be so hard on yourself. Resilience is a byproduct of learning. It allows you to get back up and lead and perform when you have been knocked down. Everyone, without exception, gets knocked down, suffers set- backs and is disappointed as a leader. I don’t know anyone who hasn’t felt beaten up by the system, the people in the system or those around them at one time or another. You are not alone! Disappointments and missteps can come in many forms (a less than stellar performance evaluation, a home-life setback, or even a harsh reaction from the boss). I’ve seen women allow a cross word or blunt comment from a supervisor to visibly upset them. Most people don’t talk about these episodes because it’s risky: it can hurt your image or reputation, your promotion potential or your employability. When a misstep happens, good leaders don’t beat themselves up. Instead they have an honest conversation with themselves, acknowledge that improvement is needed and learn to do better. They don’t just bounce back; they bounce forward. It’s not that they sweep their failures or missteps under the carpet, but they have an ability to learn from mistakes and summon the self-confidence to lead again. 10 . Invest in your staff. A delayed return on invest- ment, coupled with the relatively short tenure of Foreign Service tours, can cause staff development to fall to the It takes time to build trust because it happens in small, often intimate moments—the kind women are particularly attuned to.