42 MARCH 2025 | THE FOREIGN SERVICE JOURNAL Listenership, Intonation, and Indirectness Another communication expert, Georgetown University professor Deborah Tannen, writes in “That’s Not What I Meant!” that cross-cultural communication is not only about “pacing and pausing” but also about when to talk, what to say, and how we say it. Body language and eye contact are nonverbal, paralinguistic cues that often convey more powerful messages than the actual words spoken. For many Americans, looking directly at your interlocutor when listening conveys listenership, indicating that you are engaged, paying attention, and that you respect the speaker. A typical American speaker will scan their listeners, seeking nonverbal cues, particularly through the eyes, that the message is being received. If the eyes are averted, this feedback confirmation is missing. In many cultures, however, it is considered disrespectful to look directly at a person of authority. Before they even utter their first word, their culture has molded them to do the exact opposite of what an American might do: to convey respect by looking away when being spoken to. Studies have shown that for those from cultures in which directed gaze conveys listenership, the lack of gaze when looking away conveys that the person is not paying attention. Not understanding this cue, an American speaker might repeat their words, often louder and in simpler terms, which could come across as angry, condescending, or perhaps even bigoted. When roles are reversed, many Americans bristle if a speaker stares at them intently, perceiving them as domineering, pompous, and overbearing. Listenership is important, but so is intonation—the differences in pitch, volume, and rhythm that convey special meaning beyond the words themselves. Even when ostensibly speaking the same language, people differ dramatically in how they subtly use intonation to convey meaning and emotion. John Gumperz, a pioneer in the field of sociolinguistics, provides the well-known example of South Asian cafeteria workers who asked customers if they wanted gravy with their meal using a falling intonation, which was perceived by British customers as meaning, “This is gravy; take it or leave it”—a rude commentary, rather than a simple question. Indirectness in speech is also a major cultural attribute of language that can contribute to a breakdown in communication. Tannen says indirectness is linked to a need to foster rapport while ensuring defensiveness. Rapport is the ability to be understood without explaining oneself fully, or to get what one wants without specifically asking for it. Defensiveness is the ability to save face by reneging if the message is not received well, to say “that is not what I meant” or “you misunderstood.” For many, indirect speech is strongly associated with tact, which is at the very heart of diplomatic speech. As Winston Churchill quipped, “Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.” Indirect speech fosters good rapport, even if the underlying message may be offensive. Build Your Cultural Intelligence The bedrock of cultural competency is cultural intelligence: the ability to understand and interpret cultural differences. But it does not suffice to be knowledgeable about differences in cultures and comfortable working with colleagues from diverse backgrounds. Cultural competency is about being self-aware, empathetic, and emotionally intelligent. So, what are some ways we can improve our cultural competency? Improve your cultural understanding. Educate yourself on the cultures of those around you, be it your fellow Americans or the local staff at an overseas mission. Specifically, find out about the general speech patterns: Do they avert their gaze when a superior speaks? Are they known for indirect speech? Do they raise their voice when signaling a desire to speak? Improving your cultural intelligence does not just require learning about others; it requires learning about yourself. All humans are predisposed to their own culture, which manifests itself as a bias. If you are aware of your own biases, you will be less likely to project them negatively onto innocent bystanders. Practice active listening. Body language, gaze, and other nonverbal cues can convey a wealth of meaning beyond the actual words spoken. If we are culturally intelligent, however, we are aware that the paralinguistic cues can easily be misread or misinterpreted. Use the “ACE” formula to better ensure no miscommunications: • Affirm what you hear the other person say by paraphrasing; then • Comment on this by saying if you agree or disagree; then • Expand by adding your perspective. Finally, breakdowns in communication can inevitably happen even between those with a high degree of cultural intelligence and self-awareness. While we can minimize misunderstandings through active listening, they cannot be avoided entirely. When they happen, we can engender goodwill by not laying blame on others. Assume instead that you are at least half of the problem; after all, communication goes both ways. Use your empathy and emotional intelligence to suppress
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