The Foreign Service Journal, April 2010

T uesday, Jan. 12, 2010, at 4:53 p.m., was when I first experi- enced true fear. This was a fear that cut through the mind like a scythe and penetrated all barriers of reason and sanity — it was a fear of death. In Haiti, earthquakes are the type of trauma people least expect. Politi- cal upheaval, civil unrest, hurricanes and kidnappings are the most common dangers. During a 7.0 magnitude earthquake, there is only one chance to make it out alive. Sometimes, that chance is pure luck. The earthquake came as a small tremble, as if the earth had felt winter’s breath and shivered in the cold. I was lying on my bed, studying for a world history exam. The trembling refused to stop, and became worse and louder. Louder? The trembling transform- ed into violent shaking. I sawmymirror in the corner swing wildly on its nail. I watched helplessly as my most cher- ished books flew off the shelves. The porcelain lamp on my desk rattled and fell, shattering on the ground. The hot- water heaters burst and flooded the floors. I lay petrified onmy bed as it moved farther away from the wall. I screamed for my sister in the next room until my voice was hoarse. No response. I clung to my quilt and squeezed my eyes shut. Time slowed to forever, the roar of the quake was deafening, and the 1939 am- bassador’s residence shook back and forth like tall grass in the wind. As soon as the trembling began to subside, I heard my mother shout fran- tically for us to get out of the house. I saw my sister burst from her room, a look of utter horror on her face. We followed our mother’s voice outside and into the garden, where we began to scream for our father. Soon he rounded the corner with a panicked expression. We were all relieved to be alive. I was shaking as violently as the ground had. It was not long before we became aware of the screaming across the city. It engulfed us, while the thin, ochre veil of dust from the collapsed bidonvilles (shanty towns) on themountains flowed down on us like a toxic gas. The house- hold staff emerged, their hands raised to the sky chanting “Mesi, Dieu!” (Thank you, God!) for their survival. For a while, we all stayed in the driveway. The aftershocks continued to shake the ground and terrify us. I went withmymother to look for amore open part of our garden, where trees were less likely to fall. I could hear the shouts of despair as clearly as if I were in the streets. So many the emotions coiled up inside me — guilt, thankfulness, fear, depression, concern, confusion and sorrow. All night, people seeking food, med- ical attention and safe refuge came to our house, along with embassy officials who helped my father try to locate the rest of the embassy community by radio. An injuredman arrived from the Hotel Montana with broken ribs, a bro- ken arm and cuts all over his body. My mother tried to clean his wounds, and asked me to help. Stunned into silence by the sight of so much blood, I put on the rubber gloves from our small emergency care kit. Then I realized that she didn’t need my help to clean wounds; she needed me to keep her strong. I passed her the bandages and Neosporin. That night, everyone slept outside on cushions from the patio furniture. Af- tershocks continued. At around 1 a.m. we felt another big shock, this one a 5.3. The city kept screaming. After the earthquake, I stayed calm and did what I was told; got necessities from upstairs, calmed the dog, played with the smaller children, made the makeshift beds in the yard, brought out what food and water we had, and stood by as my mother dressed wounds. That was how I showedmy courage. I didn’t panic or break down, because I knew I would have time for that later. ■ Elisabeth Merten is the 14-year-old daughter of Ambassador to Haiti Ken- neth Merten and his wife, Susan. This account is adapted from a longer essay she wrote for a 9th-grade school as- signment. Time slowed to forever; the roar of the quake was deafening. 72 F O R E I G N S E R V I C E J O U R N A L / A P R I L 2 0 1 0 R EFLECTIONS Courage B Y E LISABETH M ERTEN