The Foreign Service Journal, May 2011

24 F O R E I G N S E R V I C E J O U R N A L / M A Y 2 0 1 1 bottom line is that somebody’s ca- reer has to take a back seat, and 99 percent of the time that’s the spouse,” says Faye Barnes. “Like in all marriages, there are com- promises. With the Foreign Serv- ice, it’s just a more permanent or longer-term one because the spouse most likely, though not in all cases, gives up his/her real ca- reer and does what he or she can while overseas.” Paging June Cleaver Spouses and partners who held high-level positions in big companies or in the government back home say they’ve felt completely out of sorts and completely de- pendent on their wife or husband in the Foreign Serv- ice. “I’ve been in positions where you can’t find out anything yourself,” says one woman whose husband joined the Foreign Service seven years ago. “I’m sitting in a house with no car, no Internet or cable. You’re so dependent.” Many spouses feel that the Foreign Service culture still carries vestiges of the 1950s, when women were ex- pected to stay at home and raise children. As one points out, “I’ve made a name for myself in my own career — but when I’m there at post, my identity is through my husband.” She isn’t alone in that assessment. “The Foreign Serv- ice culture still leans toward assuming that the spouse is ‘trailing’ and not a professional,” says Barbara Hughes, a USAID officer in Madagascar, whose spouse has contin- ued to work. For instance, her husband gets invited to do things with other embassy spouses in the middle of the workday. “He declines politely, but it is a bit insulting that people just assume he is not working or that his job was created to keep him busy,” she says. Most spouses don’t have employers who are so flexi- ble, so they have to separate to keep both jobs. One woman whose husband is a diplomatic security officer complained that she’s now facing four years apart, since her husband is in the midst of a three-year tour in Europe following a year in Iraq. She would have to give up a high- level Civil Service job with an agency in Washington, D.C. — and its substantial salary — to follow him. “We’ve looked at the eligible family member programs, and they are secretarial in nature. I have a master’s degree. I’m a GS-14. I’d be going from making a lot of money to little money,” she says. Robin Solomon, a Foreign Service officer married to a natu- ralized U.S. citizen from Kaza- khstan, has faced a particularly stressful time. “He’s got the chal- lenges of trying to have a career that’s moved every couple of years when his degree is not from a U.S. university.” When bidding for posts, she says, his happiness is foremost on her mind. “That’s not just on the list of considerations; that’s the top consideration,” she adds. The difficulties for spouses are such that many choose to go the tandem route, with the spouse seeking perma- nent employment in the Foreign Service. But that can pose its own difficulties, because the department makes no guarantees that the couple will serve at the same post. It also means that both spouses are embroiled in State’s workaholic culture. That makes it more difficult to handle the logistics of moving and give children a sense of stability amidst all the change. As a result, tan- dem couples often feel tremendous stresses in managing their families. One Foreign Service employee now stationed in the Caribbean, who joined her husband in the Foreign Serv- ice two years ago, says that’s certainly been the case for her family. “I’m going to move to Thailand, and I’m ex- pected to work the day after I arrive. I have kids and I’m starting to panic. Who’s going to watch my 3-year-old? I used to be the wife at home to do all that stuff. Now I don’t know.” A year ago, AFSA surveyed members and found tan- dem couples deeply divided over the department’s sup- port for them. Four in 10 said they were satisfied, but three in 10 were extremely dissatisfied. Children Sacrifice, Too In a Reflections column in last June’s Foreign Service Journal (“Where’s Home?”), retired U.S. Information Agency officer Christopher Heinz poignantly described the sacrifices his family made during a 24-year career in which they moved 19 times. “Except for brief visits on home leave, the children never really got to know their F O C U S Among the issues raised by those who responded to AFSA’s most recent member survey, spousal employment was far and away the one they said created the most stress.