The Foreign Service Journal, May 2011

F OCUS ON F ORE IGN S ERV ICE W ORK -L I FE B ALANCE S HARING C USTODY , D IPLOMATICALLY 50 F O R E I G N S E R V I C E J O U R N A L / M A Y 2 0 1 1 ess than a year after my Foreign Service husband and I divorced, I had to put my ba- bies on a plane to travel 18 hours to see him. Well, they weren’t exactly babies, being 11 and 13 at the time, but they seemed so young as we hugged at the security gate. The children and I had talked and packed, and I had tucked emergency lists away in their pockets. Then I took them to the airport, where strangers hung pouches around their necks and marched them through security. I have escorted them to those gates for seven years now, always with some trepidation. Yet my sons have grown to be capable young men, adept at handling airports all over the world. Though divorce is not the way I would have given them this skill, watching these boys grow tall and strong and confident, ready to take their places in the world, has been a source of joy. When my ex and I chose divorce, we also chose to min- imize the pain of it for our sons. Our final divorce decree included a joint custody arrangement, even though we knew we would always live thousands of miles apart. Our older son, Rich- ard, recently confirmed that this decision was im- portant to him: “I would have hated it if you fought over us. Then we would have had trouble seeing Dad.” The joint custody agreement proved important in a world ruled by the Foreign Affairs Manual, because it al- lowed the children to be on my ex’s orders, which meant that they could get regular, government-paid visits to post, or even decide to stay at post, if that became appropriate. My ex-husband has a penchant for postings involving at least 24 hours of travel from the continental United States. I returned to my hometown in Wyoming, which added about six hours to any trip abroad. I was to be the primary caregiver, but visitation would be liberal. Mostly, this meant that the children had to travel for the summer, and when possible, one school break a year, to those distant postings. Twenty-four to 40 hours of travel for each trip were not unusual for our children, from age 11 and up. A DIVORCE SETTLEMENT GAVE THESE FS CHILDREN TIME WITH BOTH PARENTS AND THE UNEXPECTED GIFT OF TRAVEL SKILLS . B Y V ICTORIA H IRSCHLAND L Victoria Hirschland was married to an FSO for 17 years, and during that time bore two sons and served in the Mid- dle East, Europe, South Asia (twice) and Africa. Her sons have since traveled to spend time with their father on tours in South America (twice), Central Asia and South Asia. A return to Africa is pending.