The Foreign Service Journal, May 2011

M A Y 2 0 1 1 / F O R E I G N S E R V I C E J O U R N A L 57 language are critical to communica- tion. Interacting through a screen is, unfortunately, harder than it seems. You think you really understand the other person, because you can see her roll her eyes or him blink away his tears; but in fact, the screen hides a lot. A couple of seconds’ time lag leads to fights over in- terrupting, until we sheepishly recognize that it is the technology doing it, not us. A dropped call in the heat of an argument can lead to accusations of hanging up. But with all of its faults, it still allows us to have a “date night” once in a while and just chat about daily events. We have had days where we talked three and four times through- out the day and felt that by the evening there was nothing left to discuss — much like in our real marriage. Because my husband and I share more than a hundred friends on Facebook, just checking our page each day gives us a chance to interact not only with each other, but with friends from grade school, high school, college and beyond, in all corners of the world. It gives me the sense that we are sharing not only our lives, but those of our friends and family —much more like in the real world. In addition, Facebook enables us to post articles and YouTube videos and pictures without clogging each other’s mailbox. We used to use Skype and similar videoconferencing programs just to maintain the relationship between our children and their grandparents. My 10-year-old daugh- ter and 6-year-old son both grew up thinking that their grandparents lived in the computer! During the past few years, however, and especially with my husband in Bagh- dad, we have discovered the joys of Skype parenting whenever one of us is away. We have gotten so good at it that while I was on a temporary-duty assignment, I diag- nosed a case of lice (the telltale scratching) frommy hotel room in the Dominican Republic —one that my husband didn’t notice sitting two feet away from our child. Since his departure, my husband has “visited” the kids’ classroom via Skype (where he was put on a big screen and answered the questions of first-graders on Iraq.) He “attended” a parent-teacher conference, “camped” out with us in the garden with the boy scouts, “lit” the Hanukkah candles, and “rang in” the New Year with us. He is even able to discipline our children when they fight in front of the computer screen while I am in another part of the house. (Actually, that works about as well as when he disciplines them face to face.) Of course, it is not a perfect situ- ation. The kids get tired of interact- ing with their father on a screen and often want to show him things that are too pixilated to see well. (I’ve started scanning art and e-mailing it rather than “showing” it to him.) The time difference is exceedingly frustrating because we often end up talking to him when he is exhausted or when we would rather be out and about. And one of the most important tools and benefits of parenting can never happen virtu- ally: he can’t get or give a hug through the computer. There is no doubt that Foreign Service families will continue to use the new communications technologies to try to keep their families strong and their work-life bal- ance healthy. But given the incredible power of these technologies and their impact in many fields, shouldn’t we also be thinking about applying them on the “work” side of the work-life equation to benefit families? A New Model for Work at Unaccompanied Posts Whether they are at State or USAID, Foreign Service personnel who are parents or who are married and do not want to be separated from their spouse face very difficult career and family decisions that are exacerbated by the pressure to fill a growing number of unaccompanied posts. The key issue for most officers is not the danger, discomfort or hard work that goes with life at especially challenging posts; it is concern for children, spouses, mar- riages and one’s own mental health. Currently many positions at unaccompanied posts in- volve sitting at our desks in a compound and some visits to the field, with periodic R&Rs to see loved ones and only virtual daily contact with our families. Why can’t technology help us turn this equation around? Why can’t we live with our families during unaccompanied tours, doing our desk-work remotely, with regular temporary duty assignments for field visits and critical face-to-face meetings? Though it’s hard for me to comment in detail about how this new formula would work for State FSOs, it would seem to be an easy fit for USAID. Unaccompa- nied missions need to have a certain number of staff pres- ent every day, but a significant percentage of the work F O C U S Interacting through a screen is, unfortunately harder than it seems.