The Foreign Service Journal, June 2005

J U N E 2 0 0 5 / F O R E I G N S E R V I C E J O U R N A L 37 F O C U S O N F S F I C T I O N T HE A LLEMANDE L EFT P LAN he first sign that something was amiss was a green monkey flying through the air over Ambassador T. Farlack Vodel’s morning tennis game. It was the best part of the day, between the humid heat and malar- ial mosquitoes of the night and the smothering blast-fur- nace temperatures and biting flies of the day. The ambassador adjusted his thick, goggly glasses and bounced the tennis ball on the dusty court. Just as he pulled his racket back to serve, there was a loud boom. A monkey flew up over the flame trees, over the rusted chain link fence, a hundred feet in the air over the trees on the other side of the court. The ambassador hesitated. “Odd, monkey that high up.” The ambassador believed in brevity. He did not use verbs. Miles Farley, the Deputy Chief of Mission, watched from the other side of the court. He scratched at the “Healthy Choice” T-shirt stretched tight across his swollen midsection. “Green monkeys, damn sneaky things. People think they’re good pets, but they’re biters. Reason I’ve only got eight toes.” The ambassador bounced the ball again and, just as he prepared to serve, there was another loud boom and another monkey flew overhead in the same arc. “Really too high for a monkey normally,” the ambas- sador observed. “Maybe not under his own steam.” Miles wandered up to the net, pensively pulling on his handlebar moustache. “They must be shooting them out of mortars. I’ve seen that before in Borneo.” Miles had seen most things before in his career, and he was generous in sharing his expe- riences. The ambassador peered intently at the trees. “Some- thing over there?” “Well, over there you’ve got proboscis monkeys — the ones with the funny noses. They look cute, too, but you don’t want to trust them — reason I’m missing the bot- tom of my left earlobe.” “Not Borneo, Miles. There, behind the trees.” “Well, yes, I guess that would be the Presidential Palace. Not a good sign they’re shooting monkeys in the air. Not a good sign at all. Better play it safe.” They stared at the dusty trees. “Maybe this should be our last set.” A mb. Vodel called an emergency meeting of the entire American staff: Miles, Public Affairs Officer Lloyd Candy, Information Officer Wally Spinks and T Philippe Beha T HE AMBASSADOR WAS A MAN OF ACTION , EVEN IF HE DIDN ’ T USE MANY VERBS . B Y B RIAN A GGELER