The Foreign Service Journal, June 2006

J U N E 2 0 0 6 / F O R E I G N S E R V I C E J O U R N A L 57 The Empire of the Hun Horde is a benevolent monar- chy under the enlightened and farseeing rule of Attila the Hun. Regarded as a Beloved Father by his people, Attila has been sole ruler of the Empire since 451, when his brother and co-ruler was executed for reasons of state necessity. The Empire of the Hun Horde, in keeping with the trea- sured traditions of the Hun Horde, operates under a simplified system of government in which the encumbrances of constitution, law, courts, legis- lature and other impedimenta of Western liberal democracy, which are considered unsuitable by the Hun people, are replaced by the efficient and infallible decisions of Attila, the Great Leader. Although forming only 2 percent of the Empire’s population, the Hun people have been unanimously chosen by the other peoples of the Empire – large- ly Germans and Slavs, but also including captured Romans – to serve as the vanguard of the masses and the transmitters of the words of the Great Leader, the benevolent Attila. In order to more effi- ciently carry out these essential functions, the Huns maintain a high standard of living, and con- sequently of health, on the basis of the willing contributions of the subject peoples. These con- tributions, in addition to the tributes paid by the Eastern and Western Roman Empires, have enabled the Hun people to maintain the highest standard of liv- ing in Europe. The subject people have also pros- pered, with some of them even surpassing the sub- sistence level before taxes. As in previous years, the Hun Empire in 451 main- tained an exemplary human rights record, with no credible allegations of violations of rights by the Great Leader or any of his people. There were egregious cases, however, of serious injuries and even deaths caused by Thracians and Gauls obstruct- ing the rescue missions undertaken in their respec- tive territories by the Hun hordes. While the pos- sibility remains of similar human rights viola- tions against the Huns in future rescue missions in other territories, the outlook in Gaul and Thrace has been greatly improved by the elimina- tion of three million terrorists of all ages. There were no political prisoners. RESPECT FOR HUMAN RIGHTS Section 1 Respect for the Integrity of the Person, Including Freedom from: a. Unlawful or Arbitrary Deprivation of Life There were no cases of unnecessary killing by the followers of the Great Leader. Several miscreants unlawfully attempted armed defense against benev- olent Hun actions, causing some loss of life; for- tunately, justice was served in all cases, and the offenders – along with their families and neigh- bors – were executed in fashions designed to encourage others to be more cooperative. As of the end of 451, peace reigned supreme throughout the Empire. b. Disappearance There were no cases of disappearance in the Empire of the Hun Horde in 451. Dissidents and other mis- creants were invariably publicly impaled within 24 hours after their arrest or, in cases of other types of disposition, their heads were publicly displayed for ready identification. c. Torture and Cruel, Inhuman or Degrading Treatment or Punishment Attila the Hun has repeatedly stated his firm and principled opposition to all excessive torture, and there were no credible reports of such cases in 451. In contrast to barbaric Roman practices whereby persons may be imprisoned for years, the Huns do not keep prisoners and consequently have no pris- ons. Detainees are maintained in healthful fresh air and sunshine during interrogations — except when properly located anthills are unavailable. Interrogation materials are used at a temperature which ensures their sterility. There were no credible reports of cruel, inhuman or degrading punishment. d. Arbitrary Arrest, Detention or Exile There were no credible reports of arbitrary arrest. All arrests of dissidents and other miscreants were fully justified. Detentions are normally brief, with no detainee known to have survived more than five days; less than 24 hours is more normal. There has never been a need to exile anyone, and no credible cases were reported during 451. ANNUAL HUMAN RIGHTS REPORT — EMPIRE OF THE HUN HORDE, A.D. 451