The Foreign Service Journal, June 2009

J U N E 2 0 0 9 / F O R E I G N S E R V I C E J O U R N A L 21 After a night of counting bodies and helping Americans and others get out of the area, Jim ended up in the early morning of June 4 at the Beijing Hotel, in the embassy’s 17th-floor room overlooking Jian- guomen Boulevard and Tiananmen Square, exhausted. He returned to the embassy mid-morning and, in a fury, wrote a long cable to the State Department outlining minute by minute what he had seen. That eyewitness report re- mains, to this day, one of the most detailed descriptions of the night’s events. When the Chinese government later tried to deny that anyone was killed in the square that night, Jim’s account was crucial evidence of what had ac- tually happened. He made his way home late that day, June 4, utterly shaken by what he had witnessed. Only then could I rest. Leaving the Chaos Behind In the chaotic days that followed, I and other embassy members manned the phones, calling all Americans in the Beijing Consular District who had registered with the em- bassy, and answering questions from Americans calling in from across China. Many panicked and didn’t know if they should stay where they were or leave the country. Thousands thronged the Beijing airport trying to leave. I managed to squeeze Jim’s mother, Helen, onto one of the departing flights. A few days later, as the security situation continued to deteriorate, Ambassador James Lilley called a meeting of all embassy families and told us that he was ordering a “voluntary evacuation.” While he was speaking, however, a barrage of gunfire broke out in front of the embassy and the ambassador changed his order on the spot: he called for a mandatory evacuation of all non-essential personnel. He gave us an hour to prepare to leave China. But I re- fused to leave the embassy until I could say goodbye to Jim, who was out convoying American students and tourists from their university campuses and hotels in northwestern Beijing to the east side of the city and prox- imity to the airport. As I waited, Chinese troops opened fire again, this time on the nearby diplomatic high-rise apartments on Jianguomenwai Street. Someone shoved a phone in my hand and said, “Help them!” I started talking with em- bassy families over the telephone as the soldiers were shooting up their apartments. I urged them to run for the U.S. Marine van waiting outside their compound. “Leave your things behind. Just go quickly!” I told them. One fam- ily was literally under their beds talking to me on the phone while bullets bounced off the walls in their apartment. They eventually made it to safety. Luckily, no American was hurt de- spite what seemed like complete anarchy in the streets of Beijing. Along with all the other families and “non-essential” personnel, I was relocated to the Lido Hotel near the airport. Jim was still out ferrying Americans to safety, so I didn’t get to see him before I left Beijing the next morning. At that time, I didn’t know if I would ever be back. With foreboding in my heart that night, June 8, 1989, I closed the door to our apartment, and left the chaos — and my husband — behind. The next morning, I was evacuated from China, re- lieved to be on a United Airlines jet bound for the U.S. My husband and I were separated for four months, dur- ing the worst period in U.S.-China relations. It wasn’t until October 1989 that I returned to join Jim in a very different Beijing. The government had cracked down on all freedom. We were watched by security police. It was risky to meet with our Chinese friends. No one was able to mention what happened in Tiananmen Square and no one could mourn the dead. Nineteen years later as we walked through the square with our children, Beijingers were strolling and laugh- ing while taking tourist photos. For the young people in the square, the events of 1989 were ancient history. They now lived in a vibrant new country, preparing to host the Olympics. National pride and happiness were palpable as the 60th anniversary of the founding of the People’s Republic of China approached. But for Jim and me, and for those who were there in June two decades ago, Tiananmen will always remind us of courage and hope and a glimmer of democratic freedom. In this month marking the 20th anniversary of the Beijing “Democracy Spring,” let us not forget — and yes, even mourn — those who died for a better China. F O C U S With foreboding in my heart, I closed the door to our apartment, leaving the chaos — and my husband — behind.