The Foreign Service Journal, June 2011

ing that home can be everywhere but may not be anywhere in particular. They often deal with problems in their lives by moving on instead of resolving them; and they often won- der where they are really from and where they fit in, leading to questions about identity. Frequent moves mean that kids must also deal with what Van Reken calls “the chronic cycle of sep- aration” from the people and things they love — in other words, repeated loss and a sense of grief are inevitable. In my own work with TCKs as an educational consultant, I see all kinds of students. Some thrive in this lifestyle. Of course they also have ups and downs, but overall they take advantage of and maximize every opportunity that comes their way. But I also see others who struggle. Parents rightly want to know what they can do to help their children become as emotionally healthy and resilient as possible. Based on my own experience with kids and the conversations I have had with other experts on global mobility and child and adolescent psychology, the emo- tional well-being and resilience of TCKs are based on relationships — positive, nurturing relationships with families and peers and at school. Humans are social beings; when those relationships are strong, the children or teens will thrive. When they are broken or in disharmony, the kids will struggle. So it’s no wonder that when children move, leaving behind their friends, caretakers, teachers and sometimes a parent, those relationships are often lost or weakened, and the child can be emo- tionally vulnerable. Family Is Critical “All research shows that the family is critical,” says Ruth Van Reken. “The family needs to be a haven of belonging and unconditional love.” When she was growing up abroad and had feelings of rebelliousness, Van Reken knew that “there was always a way back when I was ready.” She recalls that in her own TCK upbring- Most Foreign Service parents ask themselves the same questions at one time or another: What am I doing to my kid? 74 F O R E I G N S E R V I C E J O U R N A L / J U N E 2 0 1 1 S CHOOLS S UPPLEMENT