The Foreign Service Journal, June 2011

76 F O R E I G N S E R V I C E J O U R N A L / J U N E 2 0 1 1 S CHOOLS S UPPLEMENT ing, focused family time was reliable, predictable and scheduled. In this way, family members were able to create and keep traditions that would always contribute to their identity. Van Reken elaborates that children need to know who they are no matter where they are by identifying core val- ues and beliefs, making at least one part of their life unchanging. She says that while we want to teach our chil- dren tolerance, that is not the same as not embracing any beliefs. Without core values and beliefs, “TCKs turn to rubber inside,” trying to be everything at once and leading to confusion about their core identity. This is vitally important for parents because they can play the major role in setting aside time for the family, and only for the family. Moreover, it is par- ents who most often play the crucial role in guiding their children to estab- lish core values and beliefs. Learning to Articulate Emotions Families are also where children first learn to identify emotions and the physical feelings associated with them. Julia Simens, an international school counselor and author of Emotional Resilience and the Expat Child: Practical Tips and Storytelling Techniques that Will Strengthen the Global Family , strongly believes that it is critical to give kids of all ages the “vocabulary of emotions.” As she points out: “We assume kids under- stand the language of emotions because it’s so basic, but parents don’t always model or let their children practice articulating their emotions.” They may say they are angry or sad, but they can’t identify or pinpoint what they specifically mean by that without some form of instruction. “In addition,” says Simens, “they need help to really understand their body when it feels a certain way. For exam- ple, when is a tummy ache really a tummy ache? What does it really mean when kids say their head hurts?” They can’t explain how they feel physically and relate that to their emotions. In her role as the school counselor, Simens sees kids go to the nurse or the bathroom just to “get out” or escape a stressful situation. Even very young TCKs often deal with problems in their lives by moving on instead of resolving them.