The Foreign Service Journal, June 2011

J U N E 2 0 1 1 / F O R E I G N S E R V I C E J O U R N A L 83 S CHOOLS S UPPLEMENT thing they loved. As they process this, they realize the gifts they received in a place were enormous.” Thus, grief is not necessarily a negative thing, unless it is ignored. It is also important to give comfort before encouragement to a grieving child. Parents may encourage kids to “get over it” because they mean well, but they also need to give kids per- mission to mourn their loss so that they can eventually move on. If par- ents don’t do this, the child may won- der, “What is wrong with me?” But by acknowledging their child’s feelings of loss of a familiar home, sur- roundings, friends and way of life, and providing comfort, the parent is strengthening the relationship with their child and, at the same time, allowing her or him to move on. The child who is feeling sad after a transition, or the loss of yet another best friend who moves away, is griev- ing not only at home but also at school. Kids go to school to learn, but they also go to find friends and social acceptance. Therefore, it is impera- tive that parents support their chil- dren as much as possible as they seek positive new connections and rela- tionships at school. “Islands of Competence” Dr. Robert Brooks, a well-known psychologist and co-author with Dr. Samuel Goldstein of Raising Resilient Children , writes that a critical factor in building emotional resilience is for young people to develop “islands of competence” — i.e., one or two things Instead of screaming, some kids withdraw and keep all of their emotions inside.