The Foreign Service Journal, June 2019

80 JUNE 2019 | THE FOREIGN SERVICE JOURNAL easy to stay quiet, hide in our ideologi- cal bunkers, or fit in rather than show- ing up as our true selves and brave the wilderness of uncertainty and criticism.” Her recommended daily practices for finding true belonging include such things as, “People Are Hard to Hate Close Up. Move In” and “Hold Hands. With Strangers.” Certain friends I’ve met along the way in this embassy journey stand out as those strangers I would not have become close with in Northern Vir- ginia. And I often disagree, deeply, with their political and religious views. But I am so grateful that this community has afforded me the opportunity to get close, to know them as people. We had a deeply rooted and strong community in Ankara. I know every embassy has a culture of its own, but we were incredibly blessed to have one that, in many ways, managed to emulate much of what makes college such a special time: close friendships, a wealth of shared experiences during a time of exploration and deep support during difficult times. Last week, while we were driving home from school, my 8-year-old told me, “I don’t have any friends in Amer- ica, and I miss my Turkey friends.” “What makes someone a friend?” I asked. Every time I was at school he seemed to be playing nicely with a bunch of kids. “Well, a friend is someone who really knows you, and you really know them. Like Korab and Ben in Turkey.” I let that sink in. To be truly known. To belong. That is what I have been missing in America. We never give ourselves time to get to truly know our neighbors and colleagues. We are too busy, and we miss out on what matters most: deep connection. I’m sure if we stayed here in North- ern Virginia longer, that sense of com- munity would come. We could join a bowling league, a church or a club, and start to slowly build those connections. But two years is not long enough here in the States. So we bide our time, wait- ing for our next assignment, where we will once again feel at home in a foreign land. n We never give ourselves time to get to truly know our neighbors and colleagues. We are too busy, and we miss out on what matters most: deep connection.