The Foreign Service Journal, July-August 2006

Wigenrath, wife of Representative Waylon Wigenrath, had not pur- chased a large and heavy statue of a recumbent jackalope during an over- seas visit. She had insisted that the statue accompany them home in their official plane, meaning that the plane’s range was correspondingly shorter — even with the congress- man’s staff assistant bumped off to make room for the jackalope. And that entailed an unscheduled refuel- ing stop in Datipuru. A s the C-12 descended, a boy chased the sleeping dogs off the runway. The plane taxied to the small concrete terminal in a cloud of hot dust. Some still panting from their scramble, the whole country team lined up at the bottom of the stairs: Amb. Vodel, DCM Farley, Public Affairs Officer Lloyd Candy, Infor- mation Officer Spinks and Ardela Dingel, who did everything else. The aircraft door opened and Rep. Wigenrath appeared, a stout giant with a solid helmet of improbably chestnut-colored hair and a jiggling wattle of chins and jowl. He squeezed his bulging frame through the door of the aircraft, eased himself down the stairs and squinted skeptically at the embassy officials. Ardela was in a faded jumper and Lloyd sported his off-duty men’s capris and a T-shirt that read “I’d Rather Be Square Dancing.” Amb. Vodel and Miles were still in their tennis togs, and Wally was in a sleeveless T-shirt with Spongebob Squarepants pajama bottoms. Amb. Vodel shook the congressman’s hand and introduced the staff. “Embassy Datipuru at your service.” The congressman cleared his throat. “Sorry to land on you like this, people. Fact is we got one helluva big jackalope in this plane — you know, those rabbits with antlers? Damn thing must be six feet long and 500 pounds.” “I didn’t think they grew that big,” Wally whispered. “He’s pure brass and he’s glorious!” came a shout from the door of the plane. Mandi Wigenrath’s vertiginous heels and confection of teased plat- inum hair combined to raise her height to very nearly five feet. “I col- lect jackalopes,” she declared, wob- bling down the stairs to the tarmac. “I have over 300, probably the greatest collection of jackalopes in the world. But this is the biggest.” She snapped her gum and looked around the dusty, dry scene. The dogs had resumed their positions sleeping on the runway. The only other aircraft was a decaying wreck next to the terminal building, where more dogs slept. Fat flies buzzed lazily in the heat. “This is dis- mal,” she declared. “Let’s go to a Bennigan’s.” “Sadly, food service industry here still in its infancy,” the ambassador explained. “Not yet advanced to the stage of Bennigan’s.” She shrugged. “Well, let’s get the gas and go then.” “The problem is the fuel truck from the coast doesn’t arrive until tomorrow morning, so I’m afraid you’re here overnight,” Miles explained. “Our honored guests for the day,” the ambassador said. The congressman massaged his chins pensively. “Okay, then — got some time to kill,” he said. “What kind of sightseeing is there to do?” “The most famous attraction in the country is the mysterious dung mounds of Bingobara,” Lloyd offered. “What’s so mysterious about them?” “Well, it really is an incredible amount of dung, for one thing ...” “What about shopping?” Mandi interjected. “No acceptable clothes, I guess,” she sniffed, eyeing Ardela’s dress, stitched of local fabric festooned with enlarged labels of the national beer. “There’s a guy who makes flutes out of hollowed-out tarantulas,” Miles noted. “Surprisingly melodic, but you need to wear chapstick or some kind of protection when you’re playing them— reason I have no feeling in my lower jaw ...” “And there’s that other guy in the shack down by the burning tire mound who makes purses out of bush rats,” Lloyd said. “You know, with his little head and front feet, then the zipper opening across his stomach.” “You can get a better deal on the ones made out of the back end,” Wally added. “That’s everyone on my Christ- mas list this year!” “Unique treasures,” the ambas- sador agreed. “At the same time, real opportunity here for a big step in our bilateral relations.” “Absolutely! President Kotazo would be thrilled to receive you — biggest visitor in years,” Miles suggest- ed. “I mean in rank,” he added, as the congressman scratched his fleshy flank. “Sure, I guess I could go pay a courtesy call on the president,” he shrugged. 40 F O R E I G N S E R V I C E J O U R N A L / J U LY- A U G U S T 2 0 0 6 The plane’s range was correspondingly shorter — even with the congressman’s staff assistant bumped off to make room for the jackalope. Brian Aggeler entered the Foreign Service in 1990, serving in Europe, South Asia and Africa. He is cur- rently working in the Bureau of East Asian and Pacific Affairs.