The Foreign Service Journal, July-August 2007

Rudolf?” The ambassador banged her fist on the table. “Folks, this issue of sauce subsidies is vitally important. Cheese sauce is the glue that holds our coun- try together — and I don’t mean Bechamel or other such subversive ‘condiments,’ but sauce packed in a can by decent people and nourished with the blood of patriots. Well, no actual blood in the can itself, or not more than FDA-approved levels, any- way. “We all know that there is not a cuisine on this Earth that wouldn’t benefit from the addition of a savory nacho-cheese sauce — and what kind of tyranny denies equal access to all sauces of similar viscosity? Sauce does not flow from the barrel of a gun, and that’s where we come in!” The ambassador panted, her face red. The country team members stared in silence. “Well, dammit, how much clearer can I be?” The team remained silent. “I want to see a report that the sauce démarche has been delivered!” Clarissa cleared her throat. “You’ll have the report tomorrow.” The trap had to be set carefully. Clarissa had to take Oggie by surprise with a clearly-defined task that he could not delegate to Jean-Rudolf. And when Oggie failed to do it, Clarissa would give him a written rep- rimand — proof of her supervisory skills and perhaps even the first step to getting Oggie transferred to another post. That evening at the Mongolian National Day reception, Clarissa found Oggie near the buffet. He was regaling the Brazilian defense attaché with his expert knowledge of the movie, “The Poseidon Adventure,” gesturing with a handful of mutton skewers. “Let me be clear; the origi- nal is superior in every way to the remakes,” Oggie pulled the chunks of meat from one skewer into his mouth and deployed another with his free hand. “And that’s not just because of the great Roddy McDowall. I know what you’re thinking: how did Roddy do ‘Poseidon’ the very same year he worked his incomparable magic in J U LY- A U G U S T 2 0 0 7 / F O R E I G N S E R V I C E J O U R N A L 57 Clarissa stole another look at Oggie’s pad and saw he was drawing a smiling cow eating a huge banana split.