The Foreign Service Journal, July-August 2020

60 JULY-AUGUST 2020 | THE FOREIGN SERVICE JOURNAL situations for years, and we assumed we were ready for this new challenge. How wrong we were! Efforts to categorize our time into “work” and “life” boxes quickly unraveled. How do you maintain balance when your office is also a child care center in a corner of your toddler’s bedroom? Only thin walls separated the working parent from all the stomping, laughing, crying and yelling that two preschool-aged sisters generate when trapped inside together all day. Some- times there wasn’t even a wall. The door would open, and one of the girls, desperate for some alone time, would sheepishly ask to come in. I knew we weren’t doing well when I heard my wife tell her, “Yes, you can play in your bedroom, but don’t talk to Daddy. He’s working.” It was always painful to pretend not to be home—often impossible. There’s no way to stay out of the fray when one kid is having a meltdown and the other (the one working on potty training) doesn’t quite make it to the toilet in time. One ear is always stretching out into the apartment, sensitive to signs that the other adult has had enough and needs a break. Similarly, keeping work out of one’s turn at child care was not feasible. As is apt to happen during a crisis, there were plenty of urgent emails and phone calls at all hours of the day and night. “Yes, I know I promised to play superheroes with you, but I have to talk on the phone with someone on the other side of the planet right now.” Many in the mission have labored to make this less difficult for everyone. I’m especially thank- ful to my managers for strongly supporting a flexible schedule and to our community liaison office coordinator for fostering a virtual sense of community. Similarly, we have remained immensely grateful that, so far, our extended family has been unaffected by both illness and job loss. We know that our experience with the pandemic has been easier than for many millions of families worldwide. A pivotal moment in our path to acceptance, however, was realizing that “easier” doesn’t mean “easy.” Putting on a fake smile and thinking we should be happy that we didn’t have it worse only amplified our anxiety. The stress started to lift when we gave up trying to achieve “balance” between being workers and being parents. My wife and I can take turns emphasizing one aspect or the other, but both work and life will remain inseparably mixed as long as the lockdown continues. Life is work, work is life, and we won’t be at our best at either until this crisis ends. Accepting that fact is what is getting us through. Christopher Merriman is currently assigned to the Regional Support Center in Frankfurt, Germany, as a regional general services officer. His spouse is a freelance editor who works from home. He joined the Foreign Service in 2013 and has previously served inMoscow and Cairo. Two-year-old Charlotte plays with blocks while her father, FSO Chris Merriman, drafts an email on May 28 in Frankfurt, Germany. COURTESYOFCHRISTOPHERMERRIMAN How do you maintain balance when your office is also a child care center in a corner of your toddler’s bedroom?