The Foreign Service Journal, July-August 2022

THE FOREIGN SERVICE JOURNAL | JULY-AUGUST 2022 35 1. We have the same social and downtime needs as people with families. Unless we leave post to travel home or have visi- tors in town, singles wake up alone every single holiday and birthday. If travel to and from post is difficult (as it has been everywhere during COVID), we singles could go an entire tour without ever seeing a human being who knew us before the beginning of this tour. By contrast, families don’t need to travel to see each other. That is why some of us might seem posses- sive or anxious about our R&R or vacation time. It also means that invitations to join group celebrations on actual holidays are especially meaningful and appreciated. 2. Not all singles are looking to marry/date/hook up. Some may be, but it is always better to not assume. 3. Even though we are single, the well-being of families and family members at post is important to us. Some of us inten- tionally choose the accompanied, rather than the unaccompa- nied, assignment because we have been at both and seek the atmosphere of a family post with healthy community morale. 4. Because the spouse community at post tends to be major- ity female, we watch how post leadership treats EFMs and from that draw conclusions about how much they value women overall. 5. Recognize that in many parts of the world, being a single woman limits your ability to develop contacts after hours. We have worked under leadership who complained that we didn’t do enough “night work” (meaning we were not out every night wining and dining contacts in the same way our male col- leagues did). We do our share of contact development, but sometimes that is limited to daytime and in offices. 6. The community liaison office coordinator (CLO) has traditionally been exclusively supportive of and engaged with people who have families at post. We have seen leadership open to change, and as things open up, we hope to see CLOs in the field become more inclusive and think about singles. A good way to do that would be to create a buddy system for wellness and mental health check-ins, because a lot of us worry about what will happen if we have a medical emergency or crisis when we are home alone. 7. Just because someone is single it doesn’t mean that they will automatically be friends with the other singles at post. Many of us try to socialize outside of the bubble, and single people don’t necessarily like single people just by virtue of their com- mon singlehood! 8. Being single at post can be extremely isolating and lonely (especially, but not limited to, if you are a female office manage- ment specialist). This is also true of locally employed (LE) staff who may be from another part of the country or a third-country national. Similarly, being a single employee (Foreign Service or Civil Service) at Main State can be isolating in as much as many of us leave our families and friends to work on foreign policy issues in Washington, D.C. 9. Bidding is not easier for singles. While State denies it, the institution does give consideration to the fact that families have children in school, and that this may inform a certain bidding strategy and also affect permanent change of station (PCS) tim- ings. It would be very much appreciated if State similarly under- stood that singles have certain criteria related to their unique situation when bidding and took that into consideration, too. 10. Given that we have no extra hands in our household, we would also appreciate at least one more admin day each for receiving household effects (HHE) and for packout. Singles at State While I have worked with many good officers who have families, the Department of State can only benefit by becom- ing a more flexible employer for those who don’t. It is because we love our work, and want our agency to be better, that singles formed our own group. In response to a formal petition by Department of State employees, the Secretary’s Office of Diversity and Inclusion approved “Singles at State” as an official employee affinity group (now called employee organization) in 2021. Singles at State aims to increase awareness across the department about how norms and policies affect single employees (i.e., unmar- ried, divorced and widowed employees, including single par- ents, across race, gender, disability status, sexual orientation) and advocates for more inclusivity. This group is open to all employees of the Department of State and interagency community, regardless of marital status. Join the Singles at State conversation on Teams. n Time off to adjust to being in a new country should be the norm, not something one has to fight for each time.