The Foreign Service Journal, July-August 2022

THE FOREIGN SERVICE JOURNAL | JULY-AUGUST 2022 37 grit—and this is especially true for Foreign Service youth. While they are not showing up to post and being thrown into the lat- est multilateral negotiation, they are walking the halls of their new international—or French, British or local—school trying to sort out who their new “best friend forever” (BFF) will be, while also attempting to pick up a few new words in the local language to order an after-school snack on the way home, or preparing to apply to college back in the U.S. even though they feel out of touch with “life back home” because they have not lived there in years. Every few years, each Foreign Service parent and child will undergo a major transition that results in an experience unique to them. Within the same family, one person may have what feels like the perfect transition, while another family member struggles to adjust and find their way in the new place they now call home. There is no one-size-fits-all in the Foreign Service transition story; there is no single blueprint for everyone. However, understanding the unique experience that the Foreign Service journey brings for children can be helpful in supporting them along the way. Through the Eyes of Third-Culture Kids As families move, paying attention to children’s comments and expressions can signal to a parent how a child is experienc- ing a transition. For some, the hardest part of leaving a post may be saying goodbye to friends and others that children have spent a lot of time with for the last two years or longer. One Foreign Ser- vice parent noted, “After leaving post, my 3-year-old’s first words every morning for a year were, ‘When do we get to go home?’ It was heart-wrenching.” Helping children to say goodbye and maintain connections is important. Consider these ideas to foster memories and connec- tions throughout transitions: • Take photos of your child with their favorite people and use the photos to make a collage for your child’s bedroom wall or a small photo book they can carry with them. • Make a copy for your child’s friends or nanny as a gift for your child to give before leaving, so they can remember each other in this way. • Make note of favorite activities your child enjoyed and find a way to continue those activities at your new location. • If your child is sad and missing someone, have themwrite a note or draw a picture for the person. If possible, send the letter or picture to the individual via email or mail and share the person’s reaction when they receive it with your child. • Stay connected! Help facilitate or encourage periodic video calls, emails, letters or text messages to stay in touch. For some third-culture kids (TCKs), comfortable home surroundings make all the difference in acclimating to a new location. One parent said, “When we moved back to the United States, I was excited to showmy children our new house. The kids were oddly silent as we walked through it. Finally, my oldest said, ‘Mom, I just don’t see how this house is going to work. It doesn’t even have bookshelves or beds!’ I realized that they’d always arrived to fully furnished homes overseas.” Making a house feel like home—as quickly as possible—is very helpful to third-culture kids. Bringing wall decals and familiar room decoration items can help make a new, empty house feel like home. Packing these items in hand- carried luggage may help speed up the acclimation process. Children take their cues from parents— they learn fromwatching the adults in the room. Helpful strategies for modeling positivity include finding the good in each event along the way, helping children focus on that which they can control, and setting the example for dealing with chal- lenges and difficult circumstances, like canceled flights, travel disruptions and lost items along the way. A resilient outlook involves adapting and navigating the many challenges and unique experiences that come from living abroad and moving internationally. To assist with this, it is important to have a The first issue of the Transition Center’s new five-part “zine” for FS tweens. U.S.DEPARTMENTOFSTATE JEFFMOORES