THE FOREIGN SERVICE JOURNAL | SEPTEMBER 2023 43 I also found that single officers who were raised by single parents were among my greatest champions. One of the biggest challenges for SPiFS is that we do not fit into the usual categories at the embassy or consulate and can sometimes feel excluded: we are not singles without kids, we are not married without kids, we are not married with kids. Single parents have the same sort of interests as anyone, be it hiking or wine bars or book clubs; still, sometimes embassy communities do not quite know how to include us. Though we come to single parenthood in a variety of ways—by choice or adoption, or through divorce or death—stereotypes of single parents persist, and negative characterizations may extend to our children. As both single officers and parents, we often straddle the line between the two. We understand our single colleagues’ frustrations with managing the logistics of a packout solo or meeting facilities at our home during the workday. We appreciate the struggles of tandem parents trying to arrive in a new country, start their respective jobs, and manage the hiring of childcare and/or registering kids for school. Over the course of my time with the State Department, I have had some surprising reactions to my serving as a single parent officer from both within the department and from locals where I have served. An instructor teaching my basic consular course made a joking but derogatory reference to children of unwed mothers acquiring citizenship. At a Fourth of July fair in Shanghai, a Chinese woman with tears in her eyes pressed a free mug into my hands when she learned I was an unmarried mother. On another occasion, a med unit emailed me about a surpriseto-me medevac, asking if I would like to depart in one day or three; but when I asked about my toddler accompanying me, the individual responded: “It would be best if she stayed here”— “here” being another country five hours away by plane from the medevac point. My question: “Best” for whom? So, what attracts single parents to the Foreign Service? Certain Benefits In most instances, the reasons are the same as for everyone: to serve our country, make a difference, and spend time overseas. Additionally, single parents report affordable childcare, community support, educational support, and opportunities to expose their children to different countries and cultures as significant advantages to the lifestyle. When I asked some fellow single parents to give me the highlights of single parenting in the Service, here is some of what they said: “The amazing cultural and educational opportunities for my kids ...” “The Foreign Service has given me the opportunity to bring my girls all over the world, introducing them to all sorts of cultures where women have large roles.” “[My] biggest surprise was how supportive my little communities are (other friends, male and female and parents—mothers and fathers—single and otherwise) to help me fill in the gaps.” “As a family we are extraordinarily lucky, blessed beyond words, because I have her, she has me, and we live a very diverse, culturally rich, and extremely privileged life.” “Even if I leave before mandatory retirement age, I will not regret the career choice and tours I’ve had because they’ve all shaped me personally and helped all of us grow as citizens of a fascinating world.” I, too, have had some great experiences. Allies, in the form of supportive colleagues at my posts, have made good tours into better ones. Though many were parents themselves, I also found that single officers who were raised by single parents were among my greatest champions. In China, where single mothers are often ostracized, I found unexpected connections with Chinese women looking to have children on their own. In Malawi, where single moms are far more common, my similar parental status helped me to relate with Malawian women in many circumstances, especially other public servants. When my colleague and I started the SPiFS Facebook group in 2015, we began with five members. Today we have more than 250. Although I know of no official statistics, single-parent families are still underrepresented in the Foreign Service. Yet single parents are a major U.S. demographic: According to the U.S. Census Bureau’s Press Release Number CB22-TPS.99 of Nov. 17, 2022, there are nearly 11 million single parents in the United States raising nearly a quarter of our country’s children. This is more than in any other country, according to the Pew Research Center. It should then come as no surprise that single parents are joining and remaining in the Foreign Service in growing numbers, and a department that seeks to build a diplomatic workforce that reflects America’s diversity should become increasingly inclusive of single parents.
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