48 SEPTEMBER 2023 | THE FOREIGN SERVICE JOURNAL sommeliers, and worked in other exciting professions in their life before the Foreign Service. At some point, the Foreign Service took over their whole identity, and just like me, they struggled to define themselves. This type of problem is not exclusive to the Foreign Service; I know many people who define themselves by their job title, especially in the Washington, D.C., area. It is an issue that we need to confront in American life, to balance our work with our outside lives. The constant self-questioning threw me into a deep existential crisis, and it inevitably landed me on the chaise lounge where I spent long hours talking with my psychologist trying to get some clarity about what I was going through and how I could change it. I could not help feeling silly whining to my therapist about how difficult my life was in Milan, Mexico City, and San José; I was complaining about what others might consider a dream life. But my psychologist understood very well: the daughter of a diplomatic family, herself, she knew exactly what I was talking about. She explained to me that what I was going through was a condition called “professional enmeshment,” a situation where the boundaries between people and their professions become imperceptible, and individual identities start losing relevance. She hit the nail on the head with this diagnosis. At some point, I had become a professional EFM, expert on learning a new job every three years, always flexible, ready for new challenges, an authority on shipping rules and international pet relocation protocols. I forgot about my passion for music. I had also abandoned my enjoyable if fruitless attempts to dunk the basketball and my desire to become a published writer. I had forgotten about myself. I identified my problem, and that was great progress; but now I had more questions. “How do I get out of this?” My psychologist warned me up front: there were no shortcuts—reconnecting to myself was going to be a long and uncomfortable process. She asked me to look deep inside and to revive those things that brought me joy in the past, that used to define me as a person. I had to start doing something that did not require work-related skills, and I had to start exercising those other parts of my brain that I had not used in years. The Way Back to Myself The therapist also insisted on the importance of rebuilding my neglected network. I had to somehow look beyond my title (professional EFM) and understand that a career is just one component of our overall life. It was then that I had a eureka moment, and a voice inside whispered, “an electric guitar,” and then grumbled a little: “I used to love making noise with that thing.” My old friends teased me for wanting to rekindle those rock dreams, but I felt it was time. So I did it! I bought that Stratocaster guitar, an amp, and some pedals. I started jamming with a friend, then another, then started the band—and that showed me the way back to myself. Now, let me clarify something. Being proud of your title and going the extra mile is not a bad thing. Becoming a U.S. diplomat is as hard as making it to the NBA; it is an accomplishment and an honor you should be proud of. We sometimes work in exceptionally stressful environments, and we want to give it our all, but we need to be mindful, aware of our mental health. You don’t need to stop being yourself to be a good diplomat or EFM; happy individuals make successful professionals. Go out there and join a soccer team, run that marathon, learn painting, write that book, or form an awesome rock band like I did. Since our first performance at the DCM’s residence, we have added more songs to our set list and booked a gig in a local bar in downtown San José. We are not only having fun, but we are bringing our own sort of music diplomacy to town. We are “the band of the Americans (and one Canadian),” fully integrated and enjoying being part of the Costa Rican community. n COURTESY OF ALVARO AMADOR MUNIZ Happy individuals make successful professionals.
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