The Foreign Service Journal, October 2003

6 AFSA NEWS • OCTOBER 2003 F amily has always been at the center of my life. My fami- ly is a tight-knit bunch. Every holiday, every graduation, everymilestone nomatter howsmall or large, is filledwith people, laughter and, of course, food. Thiswasmy reality from themoment ofmy birth. Whenmy husband startedhis A-100 class, I immediatelybegan to contemplate howtopass thiswon- derful gift on to my children while living overseas. I am sure this dilemma weighs heavily on the heart of each parent who agrees toserveAmericaoverseas. Yearsof separation fromgrand- parents, cousins, aunts and uncles can leave children devoid of family connections. But this does not have to be the case. If a conscientious effort ismade tomaintain these relationships, our children can growup surroundedby the love of extended fam- ily. Here are 10 simple things Foreign Service parents can do to preserve strong family ties: 1. Buy a digital camera A picture truly does say a thousand words. Milestones can be shared almost instantly with those on the other side of the globe. E-mail pictures at least once per week or set up a Web site and update it often. Free Web sites are readily available. 2. Buy a phone card and do not be afraid to use the minutes Set aside a regular time for phone calls to be made to each relative. If finances are an issue, spread out calls over regular intervals and take turns shouldering the bill with family mem- bers back home. 3. Encourage family members to sign up for e-mail and instant messenger accounts Teachgrandmahowtouse these features if necessary. There is no better motivation to tackle the big, scary computer than staying connected to grandchildren. 4. Use snail mail The intimacy of the written word has been lost in this age of instant gratification. Yet there is nothing better than receiv- ing a letter in themidst of all those bills. Your relatives will feel special. 5. Honor past traditions Give your children a sense of connection by continuing to do things the way they have always been done in your family. 6. Create new traditions New traditions give birth to a special bond in your imme- diate family and allow you to add your footprints to those of past generations. 7. Create an extended family at post If a large Sundaydinner has always beenamajor part of your life, invite other expats over to share this meal with your fam- ily each week. 8. Join a religious group or community service organi- zation while at post It is amazing how quickly bonds can be formed while serv- ing others in need. 9. Use R&R to spend time with family Children can have quality time with relatives at least once per year. If possible, have all of your relatives meet at a central vacation spot and share aweekor two together. Thenyour fam- ily will not waste precious time traveling fromone coast to the next. 10. Share memories with your children while away at post Copy old pictures and take them along with you to post. Telling stories fromthepastwill keep thememories fresh inyour mind and allow your children a glimpse into yesterday. Eurona E. Tilley is currently posted in Manila with her husband, Sterling Jr., and small children, Arianna andSterling III. Educatedat SpelmanCollege, Georgia Instituteof Technology andGeorgetownUniversity, sheholds degrees in chemistry, materials engineering, and microbiology/immunology. She enjoys music, reading, teaching, and writing about her favorite topic — science. FS VOICE: FAMILY MEMBER MATTERS ■ BY EURONA E. TILLEY Ten Ways to Cultivate Strong Family Ties Beware the Direct Transfer Several members brought our attention to a problem encountered by employees who accept a direct transfer to a three-year post. These employees generally take deferred home leave from post, and in so doing, lose their second R&R. So beware: If you take a direct transfer to a three-year post and take home leave during that time, you lose the second R&R because the tour does not offi- cially start until the end of the home leave. One member writes that, “No one is reminded of that fact before the tour. I think this is an unfair practice. For example, if an ambassador needs you immediately at post what choice do you have but to go? I think AFSA should address the problem with management.” Another member who accepted a direct transfer without knowing the negative con- sequences ended up losing the second R&R and going $1,200 out-of-pocket for an air- line ticket for his daughter to return to col- lege. “Bottom line,” he writes, “you do the post a favor by taking a direct transfer and you suffer financial and morale hardship as a result.” AFSA appreciates being alerted to this inequity. Unfortunately, because the regula- tions are in the Foreign Service Act, we are not in a position to get lost R&R back for members. However, we can certainly remind people of the dangers of taking a deferred HL after a direct transfer. Some possible good news is that there is an amendment proposed for this year’s State Department Authorization Bill that removes the phrase “unbroken by Home Leave” from Section 901 (6) of the FS Act (on the IntraNet at 22 USC 4081(6)) that authorizes R&R. That phrase is what cur- rently prevents you taking more than one R&R. Indications are that the amendment will pass, but it might take awhile. ▫ Briefs • Continued from page 5