The Foreign Service Journal, October 2008

“I heard it’s based on a Cyrillic alphabet.” “I heard it’s even harder than a super-hard language.” “Silent!” boomed a voice from beyond the doorway. It was Sammy. “You should be thinking about home- work; but no, you talk like children. Listen to you! You are not ready for Palavarian. You are brick heads. Come back tomorrow. Early dis- miss.” The first week stretched on much like the first day. Sammy would find a reason to end class early, then make a beeline to the Portuguese section to flirt with the Brazilian teachers. We huddled together and walked toward the cafeteria. “This is not going to be an easy language to learn,” said Eleanor. Pat stomped a foot and flung around. “Look. If he’s not going to help us learn Palavarian, we’re just going to have to do it on our own.” “How? Out and About in Palavar- ia ?” I asked. “Yes! And with whatever else we can get our hands on,” replied the ambassador. “Come on, people. We have six months. I propose we get started right now and not let that man stand in our way.” Pat’s path to proficiency involved a great deal of self-study. She called on a couple of former OMSs to gather every book, article and film ever cre- ated about Palavaria. It took them about two hours. Over the next few months, Pat pored over these resources, turning herself into a walk- ing encyclopedia entry. She would come to class armed with a battery of esoteric information, delighting Sammy with grammar and culture lessons that he quickly realized he could appropriate to create a Palavarian Area Studies curriculum. “Now conclude my presentation around Palavaria third big export product, bauxite,” said Pat in stilted Palavarian. “I would be satisfied give out bauxite ore sample.” “Thank you, Pat,” Sammy grinned as he gathered her notes, crossing out her name and scribbling his own in its place. “You two now comment.” Desperate to say something illumi- nating, Eleanor could only recite a few phrases she had learned in week two: “I like Pat words. Pat has big voice. Bauxite is interesting thing.” They turned to me. “Well, with no direction whatsoev- er it’s amazing how little one can learn, even with all the time in the world,” I said in English. “Sorry, we haven’t learned how to say that in Palavarian.” “Good. Now we watch video,” Sammy said without a hint of emotion. Later that day, Pat sat me and Eleanor down for a heart-to-heart. “Listen, guys. I know it’s been rough, but you really have to try harder. I don’t want to be the only one at post who knows this language. I expect more from you.” Eleanor began sobbing. “I’ve told you before! I’m an auditory dyslexic. It takes twice as long for me to hear what people are saying, especially if they’re speaking in jargon or a foreign language.” “You’ll just have to spend more time studying,” Pat retorted. “But I’ve sacrificed so much for this language! I’ve already missed two happy hours at Café Asia because I’m in the lab all the time! What about him! He doesn’t even try to speak in class!” “I know how to say ‘no,’” I shot back, “and if I’m going to be doing visas all day, that’s all I need to know.” “That’s enough!” Pat hissed. “I’m the one signing your EERs. If you two don’t start learning this language and learning it well, I swear, I’ll use sec- ond-rate verbs and passive voice con- struction when writing your reviews!” Pat’s words stung our ears. That night, Eleanor decided to take a novel, 48 F O R E I G N S E R V I C E J O U R N A L / O C T O B E R 2 0 0 8