THE FOREIGN SERVICE JOURNAL | OCTOBER 2023 21 And yes, we have adopted puppies and allowed them to sleep in our beds, confirming our families’ long-held suspicion that becoming an American involved losing your mind. We have done all this, and, in return, all we want is to be recognized as Americans. That day, on the Old Town sidewalk, I didn’t want to be an object lesson. I just wanted to be a neighbor. b That moment aside, I don’t want to shut down conversations. I don’t want to stymie the opportunity for myself or others to inform, educate, or connect. But I also don’t want to feel like a foreigner every time I open my mouth. So, as someone who has been answering questions about my accent for many years and discussed the issue at length with accented friends, but also as someone who feels a burning urge to inquire about the accents of others (whether to test my accent-placing prowess or learn more about the person), I have a few words of advice when it comes to engaging folks with accents. • Earn the right to ask the question by first building trust and a sense of commonality. Don’t make this the first question you ask. Learn something about the individual before pointing to what makes them different. “Do you have a dog?” would have made a great first question for the accented stranger who just spent five minutes swooning over your pooch. • Have ideas for where to take the conversation after you get your answer. Have something better than “Oh, cool” to respond with. Or at least commit to checking your map app as soon as the person is out of sight. But don’t use this as a chance to show off your vast knowledge of geopolitics or ethnic stereotypes. Don’t tell a person with a French accent that you ate a baguette once, an Australian that you envy their beach life, or a Serb American that her people started World War I. • Find a way to ask the question without alienating the person. Instead of asking, “Where are you from?”—or, heaven forbid, “Where are you really from?”—consider saying: “Where is your accent from?” or “Where are you from originally?” That way you open a conversation while allowing for the possibility that the accented stranger is no less American than you. • Be extra cautious in the professional setting. As U.S. diplomats, your accented colleagues represent the United States, and our credibility depends on being as American as anyone else. Help us by recognizing that our accent is just one of our many traits. Asking personal questions is always risky. Some people might find it rude or intrusive. Others might think it a show of ignorance. And some are simply tired of answering the same question for the billionth time and might lash out the way I did. I’d argue, however, that the risk is worth taking because the alternative is so dismal—that we remain confined to our comfort zones, fearful and suspicious of our differences, isolated in our unperturbed and misunderstood individuality. So, go ahead, ask me about my accent and my heritage. But when you do, do it with a genuine desire to connect. You are asking a lot of me. Be willing to bring something of yourself to the conversation. If you do, I’ll meet you there, in what could be either a minefield or a magic carpet of connecting with someone different than ourselves. n
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