The Foreign Service Journal, November 2008

stomach as Bill, our instructor, said, “Action!” and the red light went on. “I’m not a nurse, but I played one on TV,” I said. “And I’m here to share some lessons we learned at Suburban General about how not to run a hos- pital.” Suddenly I was Nurse Melanie again, saying my lines, and I was fine. “Rule No. 1,” I said. “Don’t attempt to administer anesthesia when you’re drunk.” Gray hit the PowerPoint remote and a still came up showing Dr. Robert Giles with his head in his hands as he stood in front of a lifeless patient. I continued with my advice. Don’t hire people who claim to be doctors without checking their medical credentials. Don’t take on your husband’s secret love child as a psychiatric patient. It worked. There was applause and laughter as I finished the last rule, “Don’t get into fistfights during surgery.” This was accompanied by a video of Nurse Melanie lying on the floor being pummeled by Nurse Julie, who erroneously suspected Melanie of having an affair with her fiancé, rich bad-boy Rory Hathaway. After the class quieted down, Bill said, “Well, I clearly have nothing to teach Nurse Melanie about public speaking.” Then Pamela Groebler, who must have walked in during my presenta- tion, stood up in front of the class. “That is not what I had in mind for a class on public speaking in the Foreign Service,” she said. The room fell into a glum silence as Marnie Watkins, who had grown up on an organic farm in Iowa, took the floor to tell us about chemical-free ways to get rid of aphids. In the back row, Amanda was smirking. As we lined up for the shuttle after class, I said to Gray, “Thanks for noth- ing. That was excruciating. I’m going back to New York.” “Are you crazy?” he answered. “You killed! You succeeded beyond my wildest dreams.” After the class quieted down, Bill said, “Well, I clearly have nothing to teach Nurse Melanie about public speaking.” 72 F O R E I G N S E R V I C E J O U R N A L / N O V E M B E R 2 0 0 8