The Foreign Service Journal, November 2021

78 NOVEMBER 2021 | THE FOREIGN SERVICE JOURNAL new post. Having a sense of community and a support sys- tem are among the most critical assets a family with a special needs child can have. They desire deeply to be plugged into their broader community of fellow parents, but must ask for a measure of patience. For example, sometimes it is just not possible to get out of the house for an event. Everyone might be excited to go, all dressed and ready, but something might trigger a behavior in their child, and by the time everyone calms down, the event is half over. Sometimes, they can’t arrange childcare; in some cases, any prospective sitter must have special qualifications or training. When trying to chat with other parents, they may be continuously interrupted because they cannot leave their children, who are needing parental guidance and support for social interactions, unattended. Nonetheless, extending social invitations is a powerful signal to parents of special needs children that they are truly part of a community that genuinely wants to understand their situation and is there to support them. 2. We appreciate your help. It is tough knowing how to help a parent who you see might be struggling because you might not want to intrude or be rude. However, people can always be helpful in the smallest ways. The most useful assis- tance is very specific, like offering to hold their bag or watch one kid while the other is taken to the bathroom; or, on a higher level, offering to take the other siblings out for the day, babysit or cook meals. “How can I help you?” is a great question to ask because it offers presence and a willingness to help right away. More vague questions and comments like “Let me know if you need help” or “I don’t know how you do it” have a connotation of separation or exclusion and do not translate to real help. Genuine empathy is greatly appreciated as these families navigate their series of daily hurdles. Combining compassion with a little help can make a world of difference. 3. We’d love you to teach your children about differences. Parents of special needs children harbor the hope that their child’s peers will see their child beyond the superficial profile of being “different,” and allow them the dignity of being seen and heard as a unique individual just as worthy as any other child in the room. By talking to our kids about the differences among others, and how these attributes can be strengths that add to our com- munity’s diversity, we can plant a seed of curiosity that might make our kids want to take the time to get to know their special needs peers. This will lead to comfortable questions when they see others with different ways of speaking, hearing aids or leg braces, a different face structure or different behavior patterns. Most important, it can minimize the unfortunate pointing and staring, which leave the child with special needs feeling Extending social invitations is a powerful signal to parents of special needs children that they are truly part of a community. ISTOCKPHOTO.COM/WAVEBREAKMEDIA