The Foreign Service Journal, November 2021

80 NOVEMBER 2021 | THE FOREIGN SERVICE JOURNAL Some children may need a little time to join the group, but this does not mean they do not want to be a part of it. If you are in a place of power—school board representative, member of a parent teacher organization, community liaison officer, regional security officer, management officer or parents of school children—please become allies of the families with special needs children. Our special needs community members need allies to start asking the officials at these schools—who benefit enormously from U.S. government dollars—the follow- ing direct questions: “Do you accept special needs students at your school?” And, if the answer is no, then the follow-up ques- tions would be “Why not?” and “How do we change that?” 6. My child is not bad. One of the most commonly recurring comments that parents of special needs kids share with me is their desire for other parents to understand that their children are not “bad” children because they “misbe- have.” They want you to know that they are working hard, usually with numerous specialists, to teach their child how to better control their body, their emotions and their impulsiv- ity, as well as how to better cope with different noises, places and people. If you see a child “misbehaving,” ask yourself if there might be a reason for the behavior other than bad parenting or not enough discipline. Instead of staring or rolling our eyes, a reassuring smile, a “How can I help you?” or at least carrying on as normal gives these families the social breathing space they need to attend to the occasional turbulence in a public setting. 7. We are sometimes targeted within our own com- munity. A surprising and unfortunate realization I had while researching this article is that some parents of special needs children have been targeted from within our community. They described unfriendly actions by other members of our community toward them because of their special needs child’s behavior, such as leveraging community resources against them or sending judgmental text messages about their parent- ing. This sort of phenomenon reflects a lack of understanding of what families with special needs children go through, and it could be ameliorated by some of the efforts outlined above. If you see such unwarranted harassment, please speak up on behalf of the family with special needs, letting that parent know that what you observed is not acceptable and does not reflect how their broader community views them. No one is better at forming and sustaining meaningful relationships than the U.S. Foreign Service community—it’s what we do. The Foreign Service is a world- renowned institution that seeks to promote dignity and compas- sion for people all over the world. It endeavors to provide assistance to those in need while seeking to uphold core values of equality and inclusive- ness. Honoring these values, and putting them into practice, is no less important in our very own community of FS families and associated government agency families at post. Our fellow FS families who have answered the call to sup- port the department’s mission abroad, and are trying to do so while grappling with the challenges of raising a child with special needs, deserve our empathy and patience. Let’s extend our hands and let them know they are not alone, that they are valued members of this community, and that we are here to support them whenever they need. It’s what we do. n ISTOCKPHOTO.COM/YACOBCHUK