The Foreign Service Journal, December 2005

D E C E M B E R 2 0 0 5 / F O R E I G N S E R V I C E J O U R N A L 69 S CHOOLS S UPPLEMENT Melanie Kerber, Ed.D., an educational consultant, has found that FS teens and TCKs vary tremendously in their adjust- ment to college. “Some kids who have lived their entire lives overseas go off to an American college with little to no difficulty, whereas others struggle with not fitting in and do not relate to the campus activities: drinking parties, carousing, etc. The same can be said for kids who have lived their entire lives in America. “I always give parents three pieces of advice. Number one is to stay connected with their country. It is important that the child always feel as though he or she has a home country. This is particularly true regarding news, culture and current trends. Second, expect at least one semester of turmoil where kids want to come home or transfer. I urge parents to handle it accord- ingly, not by bringing them home but help- ing them through it at a distance. It under- cuts kids’ confidence to bring them home unless they are on the verge of suicide. “Finally, parents can be influential in steering their kids’ college choices based on the type of child they have. For exam- ple, if the teen tended to be clingy as a child, he or she might revert back to that under the stress of college life, and it might be wise to select a college close to relatives or close family friends.” Becky Grappo, education and youth officer for the Family Liaison Office, agrees. “Don’t be surprised if you get mixed mes- sages when your kids call home. The idea of college being ‘the best four years of your life’ is sometimes misleading, and kids expect it to be great all the time. So they might call one time loving it, and the next time bemoaning the fact that they don't click with the other kids, it's not the right place for them, they want to transfer, etc. Sometimes that might be true, but they need to be encouraged to give it time, make the effort to get involved, and realize that their feelings are shared by many others.” She adds: “When selecting a college, Foreign Service kids sometimes have addi- tional factors to consider other than those that are obvious. For example, if the par- ents are overseas, how easy is it to get to an airport? Where are other family mem- bers going to be who can offer help and support? Every student has a different comfort level with distance and their newly-found independence.” — Francesca Huemer Kelly How Can Foreign Service Parents Help? It is important that the child always feel as though he or she has a home country.