The Foreign Service Journal, December 2008

D E C E M B E R 2 0 0 8 / F O R E I G N S E R V I C E J O U R N A L 81 S CHOOLS S UPPLEMENT there are the feelings of loss and sad- ness that accompany moves. It is very important to understand the extent to which loss can affect the individual child. His or her entire world can change with a single plane ride — with people, places, things, sights, smells, lifestyle and identity gone forever. There is no rite of pas- sage to mark this loss, so many young people actually grieve the loss of life as they knew it. In fact, I have heard young people describe moving almost as if a death had occurred. TCKs need to be able to articulate their emotions and understand that the sense of loss is also a normal part of the adjustment process. Failure to adequately process these feelings can lead to other emotions that may include anger, denial, depression, withdrawal from activities, rebellion and, on rare occasions, self-destruc- tive behaviors. Transitions are a time when the Foreign Service young per- son needs comfort more than ever. They need to understand that it’s okay to express their feelings so that healing can take place. Knowing that their parent, a teacher or a mentor cares and understands what they are going through is vital. Parents of TCKs are understand- ably concerned about the effect of the moves on their children. So what can parents do to help bring out the best of these experiences and mini- mize and cope with some of the neg- atives? Perhaps the first step is to understand the phases of transition. The goal is to guide our families through the transition in a way that enhances each member’s resiliency.