The Foreign Service Journal, December 2008

88 F O R E I G N S E R V I C E J O U R N A L / D E C E M B E R 2 0 0 8 S CHOOLS S UPPLEMENT own way and according to their developmental stage. It is the task of each person to, at once, remain engaged and yet disengage, in order to be ready to move on. Family members begin thinking ahead and talking about where they will be, what it will be like, what they want to take with them (both sou- venirs and memories), as well as the things they want to do “one last time” before departing. This is when kids might start thinking about having to say goodbye to friends. Don’t be sur- prised if your child fights with his or her best friend as the move gets clos- er — subconsciously, some children find ways to get mad so that leaving won’t be so hard. The role of parents is to guide them through this so that all goodbyes can be said on good terms, and there is a sense of closure. Chaos/Crisis is what hits when life gets packed up in a box. The household is torn apart — nobody can find anything — and everyone is feeling off-balance. The stress level increases, and tempers may shorten. There may be many rounds of farewells, and everyone is running in different directions. It’s the hardest time to be present for one another, yet probably the most important. This is when it’s essential to manage concerns and expectations about the upcoming move, and for everyone to be able to express feelings and wor- ries. Parents should model the atti- tudes and behaviors they want the children to emulate, but they may be feeling ambivalent and frazzled about the move, too. It is a good idea for the family to discuss the bumps in the road ahead and make a plan for how they will overcome them. They may con- sciously ask themselves how they feel now and how each wants to feel after the move. By setting an optimistic and determined tone for the reloca- tion, while admitting their own strug- gles in an honest and appropriate way, parents can lay the basis for their children’s growing resiliency. It is a good idea for the family to discuss the bumps in the road ahead and make a plan for how they will overcome them. Continued from page 82