The Foreign Service Journal, December 2008

90 F O R E I G N S E R V I C E J O U R N A L / D E C E M B E R 2 0 0 8 S CHOOLS S UPPLEMENT This is vital, as children are often the “canary in the mine.” They can mir- ror the feelings they perceive at home, so it’s critical that parents are able to lead the family in positive ways. If there are additional or extra- ordinary stress factors at home, it is important to inform the school staff who interact with your children so that they can offer comfort and sup- port as needed. Entering is the other end of the chaos/crisis stage. Perhaps your life- in-boxes hasn’t arrived yet, or perhaps it just did — all 7,000-plus pounds, unpacked and strewn about the house! This is when the family is faced with many survival tasks: Where do we find the things we need to get on with daily life? How do we get the kids enrolled in school? Where are the sheets and pillowcases so we can sleep tonight? How can we get Internet and phone service to recon- nect with the outside world? Parents may be worried about the logistics of living, and one or both may be con- fronting a new work and commuting situation. There are a million things to do, nerves are frayed, and money may be tighter than usual. For kids, the overriding concern may be who will eat lunch with them on the first day of school. “Will any- body like me? Will I ever make any new friends?” they wonder. They are probably more concerned about peer acceptance than they are about acad- emics. Most likely, everyone in the family is going through some form of culture shock (whether it’s a return to one’s home country or some other exotic place), as well as feeling a sense of loss for the home they just left behind. Setting the Tone Some parenting strategies that have been found to be effective dur- ing this difficult time include main- taining routines, structure and disci- pline at home to give a sense of order to everyday life. It’s important to uphold family standards of behavior and avoid the “parenting by guilt” syndrome. Children need to have some sense of control in their lives, but fight the battles over small choic- es, not ones that involve lowering For kids, the overriding concern may be who will eat lunch with them on the first day of school.