The Foreign Service Journal, December 2008

94 F O R E I G N S E R V I C E J O U R N A L / D E C E M B E R 2 0 0 8 S CHOOLS S UPPLEMENT their new community. But this is also a chance to encourage them to take advantage of new opportunities they previously did not have. With younger children, parents can still guide the choice of friends and help to arrange opportunities to play together. Older children and adolescents will need to do this on their own more, and it is important that they choose a positive group of peers. Young people who have been bruised by the move may be at greater risk for falling in with a nega- tive group. Parents must be vigilant during this time. The higher the child’s self-esteem, the choosier they will be about their friends. TCKs may find that one of the hardest questions to answer is “Where are you from?” They may wonder whether that means the last place they lived, the place they liked best, where they were born, where their house is, where their relatives live or where they spend summers. Does this person want the long or the short version of the story? It’s not an easy question to answer, and it might be good to help your children practice a response. Also, many people may not be able to relate to their experiences, and they will need parental guidance on how to handle that. It’s always wonderful if TCKs can land in a place where their experience is val- ued, but may not always be possible. It’s easy to dismiss those who don’t value the international experience, especially when young people realize how much they have gained from it. However, in the words of Fiona Hogan, a Foreign Service teen: “The fruits of our Foreign Service life experiences should not make us proud as much as they should make us humble. The real virtue of being a Foreign Service kid is not how much we know, although it sure is a lot, but how much we should realize we don’t know.” Most TCKs are able to make the adjustments in an international move with relatively few bumps and bruises. But how do you know when you should be concerned? Some warning It’s always wonderful if TCKs can land in a place where their experience is valued, but that’s not always possible.