The Foreign Service Journal, December 2009

16 F O R E I G N S E R V I C E J O U R N A L / D E C E M B E R 2 0 0 9 Wherever you fit on the continuum of introversion, psychologist Carl Jung would probably have encouraged you to understand your tendencies, as well as to develop your own version of ex- troversion. “Know who you are, so you can determine how else you want to act,” he might have counseled. In other words, rather than change who you are, experiment in comfortable situations with a wider range of behaviors in order to improve effectiveness and enjoy- ment. There are many ways you can honor your introverted tendencies, even as you network to develop new or deeper relationships. Select any of the follow- ing suggestions that appeal to you, adapting them so they make sense for you and your situation. Then add your own ideas. • Avoid noisy crowds in favor of sharing a meal, drink or simple activity, such as a walk, in quiet situations that support conversation. • Experiment with writing e-mail and letters in which the content also gives recipients a sense of who you are and your interests through word choice, style, humor and information, for example. You might also consider social networking options, from Link- edIn to Twitter. • Join groups where you can learn more about subjects that interest you, instead of feeling overwhelmed or bored by boisterous, superficial or self- congratulatory people. Check out var- ious professional organizations and groups, both within and outside the Service, to see which ones are a good match for you. For external ones, scan the Encyclopedia of Associations , which is updated regularly and usually available in libraries. For a description, visit www.gale.cengage.com . • Commit to fulfilling one goal when in a social situation. • Regularly attend functions you’re likely to enjoy, to become more at home and to continue developing rela- tionships. • Connect with people who offer new experiences and perspectives in ways that are comfortable, or at least easy, for you both. Networking Prep • Identify several appropriate topics that engage you and decide how you can discuss them in the new setting. • Imagine a short script for yourself before returning or making a phone call. •Make sure you are well-rested be- fore participating in larger functions. • Go or meet up with a partner or someone you like when you attend a large gathering, as long as you don’t stay joined at the hip. If possible, choose someone who can introduce you around and will not feel ignored as you engage with others. Of course, help them connect, too. • Identify relevant information and ideas you want to offer and how you will elicit others’ interests. • Prepare several short, apt stories about your professional or personal life, possibly showing how you over- came obstacles or learned something, and tell them with energy, variety and originality. • Remind yourself of the worst thing that could happen and how you’d han- dle it to lessen any anxiety youmay feel. While Networking • Use your listening as well as your speaking skills. Practice asking open- ended questions starting with “what” and “how.” Feel free to paraphrase what’s said. Obtain useful information for gauging and improving a situation by attending to body language, includ- ing your own. • Give yourself permission to leave a large, unproductive function, group discussion or conversation, as appro- priate. • Seek out people who seem kind and self-aware, as well as knowledge- able and curious. •Walk up to individuals who appear alone; engage them in conversation. • Stretch time when you don’t have a pithy, quick response. Say something like, “I want to give this the thought it deserves. Can I get back to you?” • Avoid, move away from, or man- age “interrupters” and other pushy people. If you feel comfortable, say calmly with a smile, “Let me finish.” And if you want to, add some confident humor: “You may find it valuable (in- teresting, worthwhile).” • Brush up on your conversational skills, perhaps practicing with people whose company you enjoy and observ- ing how people engage you effectively. • Be true to yourself. Make appar- ent such strengths as integrity, a quiet sense of humor and authenticity — all part of building relationships and trust, the cornerstones of diplomacy. I hope you will use these sugges- tions to develop a wider repertoire for effective communication and self-pre- F S K N O W - H O W Understanding what makes you and others unique is catalytic for focusing your efforts.