The Foreign Service Journal, June 2021

60 JUNE 2021 | THE FOREIGN SERVICE JOURNAL EDUCATION SUPPLEMENT Parents Talk About the Loss of Connection As one parent puts it: “It’s difficult enough to be a teen moving from a comfortable and secure place, where you have a great group of friends and you know your surroundings well, to a place that is not as comfortable or as secure. But then add COVID-19 where the opportunities for kids to build relation- ships with other kids in the new post is almost completely absent. I think that is the biggest impact COVID-19 has had.” Another parent shares: “PCSing [moving to a new post] is challenging always, and one of the big priorities arriving in a new post for both adults and kids is making new friends and finding community. Transitioning to a new post with a severe COVID-19 situation meant this stage effectively did not happen.” And yet another parent serving in a country that has been particularly hard-hit writes: “I think for us and many people, the hardest thing was dealing with unknown health risks and social distancing requirements placed upon us by the pandemic. The local kids and their parents are much more permissive regarding staying out late, social distanc- ing, etc., than we are. Thus, our son continues to struggle with his conserva- tive parents.” Recommendations for Parents Many parents remain anxious about the cumulative effect of both the pan- demic and the additional stressors that can come with Foreign Service life, and naturally wonder if their kids are going to be OK. Here are a few tips that other FS parents and experts have offered. Communicate, empathize and validate your children’s feelings and concerns. Model for your children that it is OK to be sad and reassure them you are there for them. Be wary of toxic positivity—i.e., being overly positive without acknowledging the difficulty. Ruth Van Reken, co-author of Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds , 3rd ed. (Nicholas Brealey, 2017), says it is important to offer comfort before encouragement. Acknowledge the pain, loss and disappointment of the past year so that they feel seen. Then the words of encouragement can follow.