The Foreign Service Journal, December 2012

40 DECEMBER 2012 | THE FOREIGN SERVICE JOURNAL the working spouse as soon as he or she comes home. The working spouse often has had his or her own share of problems during the day. Both partners may be looking to the other as a source of emotional nour- ishment, when neither feels they have much to give. When we don’t have support outside our primary relation- ship, we run the risk of putting too much strain on our mar- riage. One or both partners can become alienated from the other at a time when support and comfort is needed most. So what to do in a new city without your usual support system in place? You might make a call, meet someone new for coffee, and get involved in something you feel passionate about. If you find you are still feeling alienated or isolated, it may be helpful to seek out professional help, either within the State Department or outside of it. Coping Strategies Finally, to happily man- age the cycles of transition of a Foreign Service career, we need to hone coping strategies that have worked in the past and on which we can draw again. A few examples include negotiating, taking optimistic action, seeking advice, asserting ourselves, using humor, suspending judgment, accepting change and rearrang- ing our priorities. If we’ve not used particularly effective strategies in the past, we may want to seek help to develop new methods of coping with difficult situations. By learning new coping strategies, we can move beyond returning to homeostasis and can allow real growth to take place. n The waiting period between bidding for posts and receiving notification of acceptance can be a time of stress, as well as anticipation.